109: Let it Be Simple

Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.

Welcome to episode 109. So I am really excited about the next two episodes because it's stuff that I just recently sort of figured it out for myself and for you guys. So one of the things I really love doing, in case you haven't noticed, is I really just love thinking about things and problem solving.

And I think of it, first of all, it's something I just love to do and naturally do. And I really love just thinking about how I can solve for the most common or the problems I see with my clients. And what I mean by problems is the things they come to me most often, like the questions they have or the, I call them, thought errors.

Like the things that they are thinking, that a lot of them are thinking, and I go to work on how I can help solve them. Like in the moment I'm always able to coach you about whatever is going on, but then I'm just always thinking about what is the way I want to explain and teach this in the future?

And what I mean by that is when I see sort of common themes, it tells me that, well it tells me that they are common themes that you guys have. And then it also tells me this is something I really need to think about, process, and really think of a clean, simple way to explain it.

So let's get started. So I want to talk about how we love to make things complicated. And I think it's because we are just such thinkers, we spend a lot of time hanging out in our brains and then we get overwhelmed. Like I've seen this pattern over and over again, and this is mainly for the ladies in Money For Women Physicians and just when I see people trying to tackle something new.

And if you've read my book, Defining Wealth For Women, I think one of the first things, maybe the second chapter I talk about how so many of us think that money is complicated. And I think this is just common, whenever we're learning something new, we think it's complicated. And then remember my last episode where I said your words create your world, so when you think it's complicated, you literally make it complicated.

And this is how it looks like for a lot of the women I coach, is once they decide that they want to learn money, or whatever else it is, they think they have to learn everything at once. And since I mostly coach doctors, we, at least I do, we pride ourselves in being able to absorb lots of information. And not just pride, like that's what we did, right?

I remember when I first started medical school, people were telling me the analogy to med school compared to like college is that it's like drinking from a fire hose. And I forget who said it to me, but I felt like that was a common thing that people would say in terms of that transition and why the first year of med school is so challenging for many of us, because we have not been, at least before in college, we didn't have to do that.

Now, when I think of college to high school, that's another jump right? But then it like, I don't know, it's like 10 times more volume of things to learn. And I think we carry that same type of mentality for lots of new topics, like money.

So yeah, we love to make things more complicated. We think we have to learn all the things all at once. And guess what? Then it becomes complicated and it becomes really overwhelming. And when you're overwhelmed you don't do anything, you're like, paralyzed.

And I get it, like you're so eager to jump in and learn money and I see this more especially if you think you're really behind. I've talked about that before, everyone thinks they're behind when it comes to money. Okay? So yeah, if you think you're behind and if you think money is complicated, you just get so overwhelmed.

Okay, so here's the solution for this, okay? The solution is to make it really simple. Now you might be asking, okay, but how? I think it really comes down to two things, and this is something I'm thinking about all the time in my business because I'm always trying to make my business complicated in general. And my assistant, God bless her, she's always like, wait a minute, why is this so complicated?

And also, everything can be made simple if you let it. Okay? So here are the two ways that I have seen, or at least that have helped me tremendously, and how I coach my clients. First, it's simply asking yourself, what if this could be simple? How can I make this simple?

This is something I ask myself all the time when I notice I'm going through what I call a make things complicated rabbit hole. Okay? And because we think so fast, we're like literally jumping from one thing to another, it can get complicated really quickly.

And so when I notice myself doing this, I literally pause and ask myself, okay, what if this was simple? How can I make it simple? There's a way to make this simple. And the way I think of like, how I define simple is like focusing on one thing at a time.

And like I said earlier, I think because it's our tendency to want to like inhale information from every angle on every side, because if we don't, we can't learn it. And we're in such a rush to learn it because we all think we're behind, right?

And so I'm always telling my clients to slow down, there's no rush. And what's the next thing you have to do? Pick one thing to focus on. One thing. And of course, I get objections, like, yeah, but I'm behind, I need to learn all the things. I think sometimes we also think that if we focus on one thing at a time, it’s as if that's like a linear thing.

What I mean by that is let's say you're like, I'm just making this up, but let's say it takes like, I don't know, four weeks to figure out how to budget. Then you might think, oh my God, it's going to take me another four months to figure out my 401k plans, or my retirement accounts. And I just want to say that maybe that's not true.

It might be in the beginning, I can't speak to all of you in terms of how you internalize and sort of like figure things out and process things. But what I've seen is that is not the case. Meaning like once you start on one thing, whether or not you complete it, and what I mean by whether or not you complete it, meaning that usually when you start with one thing it's easier to start another thing because you've already started the thing. I'm going to give you a concrete example, in case you're getting confused, okay?

And as you develop that comfort and trust, and confidence around money, well, guess what? You become more confident and learning more, and you can take on more. So basically, what I'm saying is don't make learning money a fire hose, in the beginning anyway.

I'm trying to think of another analogy when it comes to water. But just think of it as like, I don't know what’s something easier? I don't really have one, but I'm just like thinking of like a kitchen faucet that's like not on high power, whatever. I think you guys get it.

Okay, so let me just give you a concrete example. And this is actually related to my weight loss goal. I'm pretty sure I've shared with you guys that I made a goal to lose 15 pounds by my birthday at the end of June. And I've wanted to lose weight on and off for a long time. I don't think I've necessarily been obsessed about losing weight, like I just kind of go through periods where I want to.

And I do it through a mixture of eating better, eating less, whatever, and working out. But then I never quite learned how to maintain it. Like I got really good at losing weight, but then once I did, I went back to eating the way to before or just kind of got lazy about it.

And let's just say one of you guys have a goal about getting a six pack, although I don't know if that's something women really want to do. But let's just use it as an example. And then when you get there, you still have to maintain it. Meaning you still have to do crunches or whatever it is that you need to do to get a six pack. I don't even know, like I know it involves ab work, but probably some other things too.

Like you just can't stop, right? Like when you lift weights and you get to whatever the definition you want, you can't stop working out. Okay, I just realized I got off a tangent here. Let me go back to what I mean by making it simple. That was just a long winded way of trying to get to my point.

Okay, see, I just made things really complicated, it's just how it is, okay? But I stopped myself, so this is actually perfect. This was not intentional, actually. So here's what I decided to do in terms of this weight loss goal. So the first thing is I committed to doing it and I just decided like it was literally a decision to do it.

And honestly, once I made that decision to commit, it was so easy. But what I did differently this time is I was like, why don't I just start with one thing, focus on one thing? Because before I would like go with like all cylinders wide open. Like okay, I'm going to eat better, I'm going to make all these plans, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, and I'm going to work out, and blah, blah, blah, go to Orangetheory, go to yoga.

What I did instead this time was to focus on one thing at a time. And guess what? Not only is it easier, but you greatly increase your chances of actually getting it done. And so what I decided to do is just focus on my eating initially. And once I felt really comfortable and confident, then I can add on some movement.

I've actually, at least at the time of the recording, I haven't actually started adding the movement. And I'm not giving myself a deadline to start it because I know I will. Like I trust myself that that's just going to happen naturally because I'm just going to want to do it.

And then here's the thing I want to say about the eating part, and this is not related to making it simple. But I know a lot of you want to lose weight, I took the time to actually take a stop overeating course. So I'm in Self-Coaching Scholars, which is the Life Coach School’s sort of coaching product in addition to certified life coaches. It's like 300 bucks a month, it's like the best deal on Earth in my opinion.

And she has all these courses on weight loss. So I decided to actually learn it. Like I know the principles because, in case you didn't know, part of my life coach training was actually weight loss coaching and drinking less or over drinking coaching, I just don't do that in my coaching practice. But I've definitely coached some of my clients, my private clients one on one, because that's just a much more customizable coaching relationship.

And so I learned all the things like one video at a time, I wasn't trying to like get it all done in like one day. And I really spent time deciding to pick like, I'm going to work on one thing about my eating. And it really came down to this for me, stop overeating, like literally, by really learning and understanding the difference between being satiated versus being full, okay?

So I was like, that is the first thing I need to work on. And once I figured that out, and when I say figured it out, it's not about like figuring it out in my mind, it was figuring it out in terms of what did that feel like in my body? Like what are the signals? What does it feels like for me to be satiated versus being full? And they're different, right? They feel different.

And then I know what it's like when I overeat, it's like feeling full on extreme and my stomach hurts and I just feel gross. So that is literally the only thing I focused on in the beginning, okay? And so that's just an example of keeping things simple, making it simple.

Everything can be made simple, okay? And you know what's interesting about this weight loss journey? I'm just like kind of chuckling because in the past I would spend so much time counting calories. It’s not necessary at all. That doesn't mean that you want to not eat healthy or think about how you want to eat, that's not what I'm saying. But it's really not necessary if you want to lose weight, at least for me, and probably many of you.

As you know, I can't generalize for everyone because we all have different body types and et cetera, et cetera. So I'm speaking in generalities, but I'm guessing it's going to apply to many of you. In fact, I have been able to lose weight. So, so far I've lost 10 pounds. And I picked 15 arbitrarily. To me it's not about getting to the 15 pounds less, which would end up being about 125 pounds. But I know that at 125 I'll be around the weight that I want to be, okay?

And I have lost 10 pounds without counting a freaking calorie, okay? So if any of you are driving yourself crazy counting calories, I just want you to consider that maybe you actually don't have to. I know it's kind of proselytized to count calories, and it's not the only way. I mean, you can do that, and I used to do that. Like count it and then like, oh, but if I exercise I can add 300 more calories.

It's just such a waste of time, like looking back how much time I spent doing that. Of course it worked because I think I just was paying more attention to things. It’s just so much easier if I stop eating when I'm no longer hungry and I'm satiated.

Okay, so let's sort of summarize what I've been talking about today. We love to make things complicated, it doesn't have to be. I want you to ask yourself whenever you notice that you're like getting into the weeds and going through this what I call complicated rabbit hole, pause. Well, first you have to notice that this is happening and then you want to pause and consider these questions.

What if it could be simple? How can I make this simple? What is the one thing I need to focus on right now? Just one thing. And then when you're done with that, you pick another thing. And it snowballs, okay? Because you're going to develop the comfort, the confidence, and the motivation, frankly, to tackle more.

All right, that's what I have for you guys. I'll talk to you next week.

Hey, if you're ready to create wealth, I want to invite you to join my program Money For Women Physicians. You'll join a community of like-minded women physicians who are committed to creating wealth. Just head over to wealthymommd.com/money to learn more.