"I do" is a legal contract

Castello di Grinzane Cavour, Alba, Italy[/caption] Since the engagement, everyone has been asking “So, when’s the wedding?” Well, we aren’t really planning one right now. Here are the reasons in no real order:

  • Marriage penalty tax
  • M is divorced and has a child from a previous marriage
  • Neither of us really feel like blowing money on a wedding
  • I have 6 figure student loan debt
  • We are trying to start a family
Marriage is a legal contract and nothing more. People add the other stuff – mainly the religious part (we aren’t particularly religious but our parents are). Don’t get me wrong, I fully respect the institution of marriage and the commitment and all that it entails. It’s just that legal marriage isn’t the necessity it was for women as it is today. Most people think you get a tax break by getting married. It depends. Most people don’t realize that the married filing jointly tax brackets are not double the single brackets. Depending on how much you and your spouse make, you may actually pay a marriage penalty tax. This mainly occurs when you both make a similar income. The marriage bonus mainly applies to couples where one spouse makes a lot less or is a stay at home parent. Then there is the possibility of divorce. Divorce rates are going down and are lower among doctors (but higher among female physicians), but most of us still have a 30%-ish chance it won’t work out. Would you sign a contract that said things don’t work out in 30% or more cases in which case you may lose half of your retirement and possibly a % of your future income? Of course not. But that’s what a marriage contract is.  For some reason, all logical reasoning goes out the window when it comes to the marriage contract and nobody thinks they will be in that 30%. Of course there are lots of benefits to being married – spousal Roth IRA, unlimited gifts to each other, and double the federal estate tax limit to name a few. Divorce laws are state specific and how they “split things up” falls into two categories – community property and equitable state. In a community property state (Alaska, Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin) any assets (and debts) acquired during the marriage are considered to be equally owned by both parties. In an equitable state, the more common type, anything acquired during the marriage is considered the property of the  spouse that earned it. Then there is spousal support or alimony. In some states, while a divorce is in process, you may have to pay pendente lite support, or basically, alimony until the divorce is finalized and then pay actual alimony. Alimony laws vary by state in terms of how much and how long. Any high income earner should seriously consider a pre-nuptial agreement prior to marriage. Bring in kids from a previous marriage and that can complicate things more. Laws are also state specific for child support and generally do not consider the income of a new spouse. What do you think? Did you consider marriage as a legal contract before getting married? Comment below.]]>


  1. Hatton1 on February 12, 2017 at 9:22 am

    Marriage is a legal contract. I get no financial benefits from it. I file married filing separately because of some issues with my husbands business. This bumps you up a marginal bracket and you cannot do a Roth IRA. My office manager is common law married. I keep encouraging her to go to the courthouse and make it official. I anticipate lots of problems for her with his greedy adult children and social security.

    • missbonniemd@gmail.com on February 12, 2017 at 12:07 pm

      Kid from previous marriage complicates things some. I want to make sure all parties are on the same page before proceeding. We do want to get married eventually.

      • Hatton1 on February 20, 2017 at 9:42 am

        I think it matters most if you do have children.

  2. Mrs. Picky Pincher on February 12, 2017 at 11:10 am

    This is a good point. Marriage is a super-personal thing and it looks different for everyone. Just curious; so are you considering a legal marriage or would it be more of a common-law sort of thing? I do like having the legal bond, just in case anything happens, but again it depends on your personal preferences and circumstances.

    Congratulations. 🙂

    • missbonniemd@gmail.com on February 12, 2017 at 12:07 pm

      Not sure yet. I want to delay it for a few years if possible. But I do want to get legally married (with a pre-nup of course). In the short term it doesn’t matter; it matters more in the long term.

  3. Kay on January 7, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    Great article – I’m currently considering marriage as well but my SO makes significantly less and had 2 kids from prior marriage and for ALL the aforementioned reasons I’ve been hesitant. A definite buzz kill I can tell you. Re pre-nup – my understanding is this only covers property prior to marriage and if there are no stipulations for spousal support in event of divorce it could be void. So either way you will have to support your spouse somehow (I would die!). Haven’t met with my lawyer to discuss yet but wondering if you’ve found the same thing. thanks!!

    • Miss Bonnie MD on January 8, 2018 at 10:40 am

      Blended families are definitely a challenge. I recommend you speak to a family lawyer in the state where his kids live (if different from yours). I did this and was told to delay marriage until his son graduates college. Even though child support ends at age 18 in his state, I would/could be on the hook for college financial aid. FAFSA does not ask for your income but the colleges will. As for prenup – I recommend you discuss spousal support. He can waive his right to it. It could be seen as unfair though. I think it is probably best to limit it though – like 6 months- 1 year. If that doesn’t sit well with you, then I’d encourage you to have the wedding and not sign the paper. But, what is more important, IMO, is really be on the same page financially AND regarding his kids. Stepmothering is not an easy job. Divorced parents often feel guilty and let the kids walk all over them. Carefully observe how he is with his children and discuss if you’ll be able to make joint decisions on them. I don’t know if you plan to have kids with him or not. Feel free to email if you want to discuss further.

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