"I promise to always keep our net worth positive …"

Lawa’i Beach in Kauai, Hawaii where we got engaged[/caption] Apologies for the hiatus. I was in Hawaii for CME and play. I also got engaged! The above quote is what M said to me (after he promised some other important things like love and happiness). There are 3 major things in life to insure against – death, disability, and divorce a.k.a. (term) life insurance, disability insurance, and the pre-nuptial agreement AND making sure you and your partner are compatible, especially when it comes to money.  Everyone agrees on the first two, but so many neglect the last. People simply think they won’t get divorced – it’s everyone else. Unfortunately, statistics show otherwise. The internet has several articles on the leading causes of divorce, but let’s look at this one from the Huffington Post. Finances is #7, but #4 “Not having a shared vision of success” includes financial goals too. In any case, I think everyone can agree that being on the same page money-wise is an area that couples need to agree on. Love feels great, but ultimately a successful marriage is based on much more than that. The NY Times’ questions to ask before marrying has finances as the second question:

“Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?”
Around the third month of dating M I asked him how much money he had saved for retirement and what debt he had. I divulged mine as well. We talked about our shared goals like to work in jobs we enjoy, take two big trips a year, live partially abroad in the future, etc. In fact, we drew up an IPS or Investment Policy Statement. OK, I drafted it and he approved it :). And, I’ll let you take a look at our first draft from a few months ago as an example. This document was the culmination of M and I discussing our goals as a couple. We have also discussed how we feel about financial obligations to our parents should that arise. We recently hired a financial advisor in prep for combining our finances. I realize most of the finance blogs out there promote DIY and I was more than comfortable doing that for myself. I felt more was at stake with managing our finances. I’m also no spring chicken so we don’t have much wiggle room for big mistakes – we have ambitious financial goals. By the way, we did all of the questions in that NY Times article. And finally, we have discussed the terms of a pre-nuptial agreement, stay tuned for that. What do you think? How financially compatible are you with your partner? What questions did you wish you asked? Comment below.]]>


  1. espositomontazeri on January 29, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    I love this this post. I don’t think I’m alone when I admit that I never once considered financial conversations prior to getting married. I did asking my husband to be free of his credit card debt but that was the extent of the conversation. I think it is great that you had this conversation and for those of us who didn’t don’t fret, there is hope after marriage to get onto the same page. But, boy do I wish I would have done it the way you did!!

  2. SomeRandomGuyOnline on January 30, 2017 at 4:03 am

    Dermatologists always get to go to great locations for CME! Haha! I agree, it’s so important to be on the same page in terms of financial goals with your partner. It’s great that you and your fiance were able to talk about things openly. Fortunately my wife and I are pretty financially compatible and share the same long-term goals. It also helps that she doesn’t have any student loan debt. 🙂

    Congrats on the engagement!

    • missbonniemd on January 30, 2017 at 7:25 am

      There was also an ophthalmology CME going on as well. Great that you guys are compatible…can’t tell you how many physician couples I’ve met that aren’t….

  3. TJ on February 12, 2017 at 12:24 pm

    I love that you defined a prenup as “divorce insurance”. Maybe if more people spoke in this manner, it would be more acceptable. I’d say my biggest fear about marriage is absolutely the possibility of divorce derailing my finances, but it’s not really relevant to my life until I find a partner.

    • missbonniemd@gmail.com on February 12, 2017 at 12:45 pm

      It really is and should be looked at that way. Unfortunately, nobody thinks they will need it.

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