Podcast
196: Massive Action vs Passive Action
What does it take to make your hopes and dreams come true, instead of remaining just that?
The secret to making anything you want a reality is taking action. However, if you identify as a Type-A, perfectionistic woman who is a master at consuming information and learning but finds yourself avoiding failure, you may be at risk of staying stuck in passive action, and it’s more detrimental than you think.
Join me this week to learn what massive action versus passive action means, and why you must combine both to reach your goals. You’ll hear why we get stuck in passive action, how staying in passive action is equivalent to failing ahead of time, and my top tips for radically transforming your relationship to failure so it feels less scary.
Money for Women Physicians is a 12-week course that will help you hit the ground running and guide you through taking massive action on your money goals. Enrollment is currently open until January 15th 2024, so click here to join me.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- Why it’s so easy to get stuck in passive action.
- What happens when you have compassion for yourself, even when you fail.
- How you’re failing ahead of time by staying in passive action.
- Why you must combine passive action with massive action.
- How to radically transform your relationship to failure.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
- 195: Vision and Goal Planning for the New Year
Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Welcome to episode 196. So, if you’re listening to this when the episode comes out, we are actually currently open for enrollment for Money For Women Physicians. This is a 12 week course that I’m going to guide you step-by-step to basically carry out the vision that you created during the Design Your Wealthy Life workshop.
If you weren’t able to attend, no worries, just go ahead and listen to the previous episode where I talk about how you can do this. But if you did attend the workshop, then my course, Money For Women Physicians, is going to help you take those steps to start making it a reality with your money. And we are open for enrollment through January 15th and we’re going to get started the week after. And so this is your opportunity to really hit the year running and take massive action on your money goals.
Speaking of massive action, that’s what today’s episode is all about, passive action and massive action and how I want you to think about it. Now, I said on the previous podcast that hopes and dreams without action remain hopes and dreams, okay? And so I want to talk a bit more about the different types of action.
You may have heard this concept before, but I think it’s really important because too many of us get stuck in passive action. And there are some really good reasons why. There’s nothing wrong with you if this is you, but because I know you’re a type A perfectionistic woman, passive action is really safe. We’re also very good at it, right? Because passive action is mainly consumption; learning about things, reading books, taking my course. Yes, that’s passive action.
And it’s not that these things aren’t necessary or useful, but they’re only useful if you actually do something with what you’re learning. And the main reason why it’s so easy to just get stuck in it is because we’re afraid we’re going to take wrong actions, which might be detrimental in terms of reaching our goals, but ultimately it comes down to avoiding failure.
So this is also an episode about failure because we don’t want to fail because failure is bad. And I just want you to remember that all failure is, is that you didn’t get the result that you wanted. That’s a very neutral way of looking at failure.
The reason why failure feels so bad is that we usually make it mean something about ourselves and we beat ourselves up. Now, this doesn’t mean failure is not going to feel bad. It’s not going to feel great, that’s for sure. But it’s what you make it mean that makes all the difference.
And so that’s why it’s so easy to stay in passive action, because we have thoughts like I need to know everything before I do something so that I don’t make a mistake or do something wrong. But the thing is, you’re never going to know enough. The best analogy I can think of for this is can you imagine if we became attendings but we never saw a patient because we had to make sure we knew everything?
This is literally the same thing. We learned or we became physicians by learning things. We had to learn a lot, obviously. Lots of passive action, but then we also had to do something with the knowledge. We had to see patients. We had to practice taking histories and physicals, knowing which questions to ask, knowing what information we needed to make a clinical decision and then carry it out.
Obviously we were under supervision during our training, of course, but that’s how we learned. And I’m just guessing you were pretty bad at it in the beginning, at least I was. I definitely didn’t know what questions to ask. I had an index card in my pocket to make sure I didn’t miss anything and it was very discombobulated.
And now I’m at a point where I don’t have to even think about what to ask based on what the person is seeing me for. And whatever that I see as a dermatologist, most of it is visual, I know exactly what questions to ask. I don’t have to even think about it. But that’s because not only did I learn, I also practiced it many, many times and made mistakes along the way.
And so it’s not good news to know that making mistakes or having fails is part of the process, we want to avoid that as much as possible. I totally get it. But one thing I tell my clients that they hate hearing is that you have to make some money mistakes. Well, I don’t know if I should quantify it as some, but money mistakes, money failures are part of growing your wealth.
I mean, do you think – Think of whatever person or persons come to mind when you think of someone who’s super rich. Do you think they’ve never made a money mistake? Of course they have.
Another reason why we avoid doing things, again, everything I said really comes down to our perfectionistic nature, not wanting to fail because of what we make it mean. And what we ultimately mean is some kind of negative emotion, usually a group of negative emotions and we don’t want to feel those emotions.
But if you knew how to feel your emotions and have compassion for yourself, meaning you knew you could handle any emotion, no matter how good or how bad, because some of us are actually not good at feeling really good emotions or really good feeling emotions, then failure wouldn’t be so scary. You know what I mean?
And so you have to combine passive action with massive action. And all massive action means is you actually doing something besides just consuming. So it’s something you do. So for example, if you’re in my program and one of the things that I – I was going to say make you do, but I don’t make you do anything. But why would you take my course if you didn’t want to do anything, right?
So one of the things you have to get clear on is where your money is going, right? You have to actually sit down, look at your money, look at your accounts, look at how you’re spending money, et cetera. So maybe an action is something like what are our bank accounts, picking a budgeting software program and then buying it, if it’s something you have to pay for, connecting all the accounts.
Those are examples of concrete actions that are going to move you further along the path to getting your money in order and ultimately setting it up to grow it and help you reach your life goals. So, I mean, that makes sense. I think it’s pretty obvious what massive action is versus passive action. And there needs to be a balance. And I don’t know if it’s 50/50, it’s probably – Actually, I don’t know. I’m not going to even pretend to try to figure that out.
But if you’re noticing that you’re not really taking massive action or you’re not taking action or nothing’s changing, that’s a signal, an obvious signal but most of us just sometimes aren’t aware of it, that you’re spending too much time in passive action and it’s an opportunity to examine why.
Now, I want to go back to passive action a bit more. One of the things that one of my coach mentors taught me is that when you stay in passive action because you’re afraid to fail, you’re actually failing ahead of time. And when I heard this, it kind of blew my mind because a lot of us are thinking the opposite, that as long as I don’t take action, I can’t fail.
But not taking action when you have a hope and dream that you want to make true, not taking action is actually failure as well. So that actually kind of blew my mind. Thinking of it that way sort of helped me reframe that if I’m going to fail either way, I might as well fail by taking action. Because when I do fail, and notice I say when, not if, I’m taking action. And not all those actions are going to be failures, right?
But if I don’t take action, then I am 100% failing. What’s that quote? You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don’t take. And so if you want to stay in massive action, then you have to radically change your relationship to failure and your relationship to yourself. And really, that comes down to trusting yourself and having your own back.
You’ve heard all these phrases and they seem kind of trite, et cetera, but it’s because it’s true. If you know and have the capacity to have compassion for yourself, and if you know that you can handle any negative emotion, then it’s just so much easier to take action.
This is one of the reasons why I’m such a big fan of courses, and not because I have one. I’m also a consumer of many courses and masterminds, et cetera. It’s because it’s so much easier to take action when there’s other people around you, quite frankly.
When you have a community, sometimes people have accountability partners, whatever you want to call them, and having someone who can guide you and having someone who can really help you out when you’re stuck. You obviously have to “raise your hand” and ask for help, but that’s honestly one of the reasons why I take courses and put myself in groups of like-minded people, because I am way more likely to take action.
And I do take more action when I have something discreet to focus on and when other people around me are doing it. And frankly, when I’m spending money, right? Because when you pay, you pay attention.
And a lot of the stuff that I’ve learned as someone who’s taken many, many courses is that I’ve really had to work on that muscle of not feeling like total crap when I fail. I still feel like crap when I fail, by the way. The difference now is that there’s less and less time between feeling crappy about failure and taking action again.
There was a time when if I had a perceived failure in my business that it would really put me in a position or a place where I wouldn’t do anything for, I don’t know, let’s say a month or two, I can’t remember exactly. And now, that time period is so much shorter. It depends, right? It’s not like it’s like three hours and it’s done, but it’s a lot shorter.
And that, again, is another thing you have to learn about failure is that, okay, you failed, process it, maybe you have to vent to your friend, maybe you have to journal, maybe you have to just decide I’m going to feel crappy the rest of the day and then it’s time to move on. So that’s another skill to learn, in terms of changing your relationship to failure, is that you want to really shorten that time between failure and your next action. Otherwise, things can take forever. It’s pretty obvious, right?
Okay. So that’s really all I wanted to say about staying in action versus passive action, because what I’m talking about today, this is what’s required in order to really reach any of your goals, to make your hopes and dreams come true so that they don’t stay hopes and dreams.
Again, if you didn’t listen to the previous podcast, make sure you do. I want you to think about the questions I asked in that podcast. You might even want to make a list of what’s passive action and what’s massive action, or really think about when you’re doing a week to week or whatever, monthly progress tracker, whatever you want to call it. It’s an opportunity to ask yourself, was I mostly in passive action or was I mostly in massive action or did I have a good balance of both, right?
And if you really want help with this in planning your life vision, because sometimes you need some guidance for that, and you want to make sure you take more massive action than passive action and as well as learn everything, then you definitely need to check out Money For Women Physicians and get inside there because we’re going to be getting started in another week or two.
So you want to go to wealthymommd.com/money, learn all about it. And hopefully I will see you in the next class. Bye.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
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195: Vision and Goal Planning for the New Year
We have finally made it to 2024! This is a new beginning, and we get to start with a clean slate. Most of us are feeling motivated, and full of hopes and dreams. However, as you know, without action, your hopes and dreams don’t become anything.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that people focus on a goal for the year. Say you have a weight loss goal, you know how much you want to lose, and you achieve it in a few months, what comes next? People don’t tend to have an overall vision for what they want to create and how they want their life to look from a bird’s eye view. But this is the first step in goal planning.
When you have a vision plan for your life, you can map out your goals to support your vision. Tune in this week to discover how to set your goals in a new way for 2024. You’ll learn how to decide what you really want to create in your life and how to set goals that actually move you toward your ultimate vision.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- The mistakes I see most people making when it comes to setting goals for the year.
- Why your goals might be moving you away from your overall vision for your wealthy life.
- How to start thinking seriously about your overall vision for your life.
- What most of us truly want in this world.
- A new way to set goals that align with your vision for your life.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
- Join my Design Your Wealthy Life Workshop!
- 190: Building Wealth vs. Actually Living
- Get my End-of-Year Reflection Guide
- Judith Jordan
- Brené Brown
- Die with Zero by Bill Perkins
Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hey everyone, welcome to episode 195, first episode of 2024. Happy New Year. I hope you had a really relaxing holiday break if you had one. And it’s 2024, so let’s just dive in into all things for you and all about new beginnings because that’s what January is all about, right?
If you’re listening to this episode the first week of January 2024, then I have a special thing just for you. I’m going to be doing a live two-part workshop called Design Your Wealthy Life. And so it’s in two parts, you’ll get part one as soon as you sign up. Part two will be live on Sunday, January 7th. And so to save your spot, go to wealthymommd.com/design, D-E-S-I-G-N, and I’ll see you there.
And this is a perfect segue because what I’m talking about today is going to be a part of the Design Your Wealthy Life workshop. And so this episode is really going to prepare you for that workshop. So, as you all know, this is a time of year where we get to start with a clean slate, right? Most of us are super motivated to make some changes. We’re full of hopes, dreams and motivation, which is amazing.
But, as you know, hopes and dreams without action, are hopes and dreams. They don’t become anything, right? And so one thing I’ve noticed over the years from doing this work and teaching all this is that what I see is that people focus on an annual goal, or maybe even something shorter term. For example, a lot of you might have a weight loss goal. And a weight loss goal, depending on how much weight you need to lose and your preferences may not take the whole year, right?
The reason why this could be a problem if you don’t really think it through, is that most of us don’t have this overall vision, like the bird’s eye view of how we want our life to look like, because that really is the first step and goal planning, and I would even say vision planning for the new year, because then it’s pretty obvious what goals may fit into this calendar year to support that vision.
Like are the goals you have for this year, whether it’s a multiplayer thing or a short term-thing, the question is, are these goals going to move me towards the ultimate vision, hence the name, Design Your Wealthy Life for my upcoming workshop. Do these goals move me towards or away from your definition of your wealthy life?
Otherwise, we’re kind of just making goals to make goals, which isn’t a problem in itself, but if you’re listening to this podcast, then you’re someone who has a bigger vision. And even if you haven’t sat down to really think about it, I know you have one. And I really want this year to be different for you, meaning I really want you to take the time to really think about your life vision.
I had a prior episode where I talked about some concepts from this book that I’ve been reading. Actually, I’ve finished it at this point, called Die With Zero. And so if you haven’t listened to that already, or need a refresher, go back and listen to that episode, we’ll link it in the show notes, okay? Because that’s going to help you really think about what your life vision is, because it’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and even year-to-year things that make up this life.
And so, basically, we all need to sit down, myself included, we need to really think about our lives. What do we want it to look like? What’s your current life looking like? And I did create an end-of-year reflection guide for 2023, it’s not too late to do it just because it’s 2024. And so if you want to grab that, go to wealthymommd.com/reflect, R-E-F-L-E-C-T, because that’s actually going to help you come up with your vision.
And your life vision, and this is not just a money thing, but we’re going to get to that. Remember, it’s not a destination, it’s not even a specific amount of money in the bank or in retirement, however you define wealth for you. It’s not about living in a fancy house or flying first class all the time. These are all part of your ultimate life vision.
Also, these things don’t actually describe your actual experience of life. In fact, I think that when you have goals that focus on things like weight loss or more money, they kind of confirm and reiterate that life will be better when. In other words, the arrival fallacy. It’s about delaying gratification. Now, you might not be thinking about this consciously, but it sort of reinforces that.
So going back to the concept of your wealthy life, it really comes down to your maximum life enjoyment, as described in Die With Zero, and it ultimately comes down to a feeling or a bunch of feelings. Because that’s how we experience life. Life experiences generate a feeling for us. And I would say most of us ultimately want to feel that we have a life of meaning, that we have a good amount of joy and that we have strong connections or relationships with other people and ourselves.
You might use different words, but what I just said describes what most of us truly want in this world. And so a few quotes that came to mind are one by Judith Jordan. She said, “People who have strong connections with others are happier, healthier and better able to cope with the stresses of everyday life.” And Brene Brown said she defines connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued.
That last line, or that last part of that sentence is so important. Most of us ultimately want a life, I’m going to say it again, a life of meaning, joy and we want to feel seen, heard and valued. Like isn’t that the best? Isn’t that what we all want? And when we go through life feeling like we’re not seen, heard and valued, and we don’t have joy in our life, and we don’t feel like our life has enough meaning, it kind of sucks, right?
And most of us don’t even think about this because we’re so busy with our day to day, year to year thing. And I think it’s much harder when you’re a parent, especially during, you know, you might have some challenging years, every kid is different. We’re having some challenging times with my son and it’s so easy to get so focused on that. And so I have to do the work to remind myself to zoom out and remind myself that I have access to a life of meaning, joy and connection right now.
So I’m going to say that, again, you have access to a life of meaning, joy and connection. You don’t need more things, you don’t need to reach a goal in order to have these things. And in fact, this is all part of that annoying saying, annoying because it’s annoying to me, that you have to enjoy the journey.
And enjoying the journey is really just enjoying your life, right? And so one of the exercises that I’m going to take you through in my Design Your Wealthy Life workshop is to really think about what you want, and then ask some questions to really get to what you really want.
Let me explain, let’s say a common goal that I hear from my clients is that they want to work less. So maybe it’s something like I want to work part-time. Well, first of all, I would get really specific on that. So maybe it’s I want to work three days a week. And the question is why? So I’m going to give you some examples.
Why do you want to work part time? So that I’m not so tired and burnt out. Why is that important? I want more energy. Why is that important? So I can spend more time with my family and travel more. Why is that important? I don’t want to miss out on my kids growing up. I feel like I’ve missed so much already. Why is not missing out on kids important to you? I love them. I want to cherish those experiences as they grow.
And then I would ask something like, now describe the feelings that come up with what you just said, meaning that I love them, I want to cherish these experiences as they grow. So in this case I chose love, connection and joy. Do you see how that’s very different from that original goal of I want to work part-time?
Also I think part of it’s to have time freedom, but then why is time freedom important, right? And so this is what I mean by really getting to what I call the root goal. The goal that really trumps everything else. And so if this is, let’s just say this is me, of course, working part time is part of that goal. But ultimately the goal is I want to feel love, I want to give love and I want to feel connection and joy.
Do you see the difference? These have to go hand in hand. A lot of times people call this your why. Like what is your why for doing whatever you have to do to get to the work part time? So this is why the why is so important, because it’s not just about working part-time, it’s the why you’re doing it. And that is going to motivate you when it seems hard to get to that goal.
And bringing this back to money, your life vision in terms of your experiences, that is what really matters. And money is simply a tool. And so I want to give you some more examples of this. So going back to the example of not wanting to miss out on family and kids because that nourishes you and creates love, connection and joy for you. So then maybe another question would be, what will help me to have or maximize that meaningful experience I want to have and keep having with my family?
And so it makes sense that maybe those other goals would be to take care of your health, so that you can truly enjoy those experiences and be able to have them, right? Because if you don’t have your health, nothing else matters.
Now, we talked about going part-time. So it makes sense to go part-time, so that you actually have time to experience this and also so that you have more energy and you’re not so tired. And for most of us, it really comes down to time, right? That is the ultimate commodity that most of us want. And money helps you by time. So that is how I want you to approach your life vision, which then will sort of dictate the smaller goals, okay?
Now, obviously, I focus on money. And so I’m going to focus on the money goals that will facilitate getting you there. And notice I used the word facilitate. The money goals in and of itself will not actually get to the end goal of what you want for your life. And this is really, really important because I think too many of us, myself included, sometimes focus too much on the money goal, and that is really just one part of living wealthy.
Now, some other things that I see that can get in the way of you creating your life vision are our perfectionistic tendencies, right? We want to get it right. But the bad news, or really the good news, I think, is that your goals are going to change over time. Your life vision is going to change over time. And I think it changes over time based on what you think is possible for you.
Many of us have life visions that are simply too small. I’m not saying that as a judgment, but too small for you. And if you’re someone that loves to grow and you’re always expanding what’s possible for you, your goals will naturally change. That makes sense, right? I think what’s easiest is, it’s nice to have an overall vision if you know, but if you don’t, I think it’s easiest to think about them in like three to five year increments or chunks.
And we all can relate that there are seasons of life. There are different seasons of life, especially if you have kids. And ultimately, we kind of have to make a guesstimate of how long things will take. And then you’ve got to distill them into shorter time frame goals, so annual goals or maybe even something that you’ll accomplish in the first quarter. You probably don’t think of your life in terms of quarters or your year, but I do because of the business aspect of what I do. But I think it’s still helpful for life goals as well.
Now, there’s this quote that I’m sure many of you heard of, and I don’t know exactly what it is but it’s about something like how we overestimate what we can get done in a day, but we underestimate what we can get done in, I don’t know, a year or five years. In fact, I actually think most of us underestimate how much of a difference we can make in our money situation in just one year. And I’ve seen it over and over again, including for myself, so I know this is true.
This doesn’t mean you’ll become a multimillionaire in a year, but your experience of money and the actions you’ve taken can dramatically change your trajectory in just what you get done in a year. Remember, hopes and dreams without action are just hopes and dreams. If you want something to change, you have to do something.
And I want you to think of the cost of not taking action. If you keep doing what you’re doing now, you’re going to have just more of the same. You might just be in the same place in five years, or even worse. And unfortunately, a lot of us have been conditioned to want things really quickly, we’re kind of in this fast food mentality of wanting dopamine hits as soon as possible.
But all things, all goals are done one step at a time. And even taking 30 minutes to do one task related to your goal may not seem like it’s moving the needle, but that is actually what moves the needle over time. These actions, these habits compound over time.
All right, let me go back to your goals for 2024. I don’t want you to get stuck in the arrival fallacy with these goals. Remember, I talked about that. You don’t need to reach these goals to have the meaningful experiences you uncovered from what I talked about earlier.
So I really want you to take the time to think about what are the meaningful experiences that you want? What would maximum life enjoyment look like for you? Because you have access to that right now. And I want you to think about the goals. They’re there to help you amplify and maximize those experiences because when you believe you have access to that right now, access to at least some of that, you actually will start naturally taking action, which then motivates you to keep going, right? Things in motion tend to stay in motion, you know what I’m talking about.
All right, so let’s talk about money goals. As I said before, in a prior episode where I talked about Die With Zero, you probably over save at the expense of delaying what you want. Remember, most of us are going to die at our peak net worth, which means we actually are not able to fully enjoy the money that we have.
Here’s a question that I love to ask my clients. Am I willing to make less in the short-term in order to have more money and have meaningful experiences in the short-term? And only you can answer that. And the reason why this question is so important is that most of us think of money as something that grows linearly.
And so a lot of my clients who do want to work part time, they think it’s going to take 10 years to get there. And when I challenge them that maybe they could do that even this year, their immediate response is but then I’ll make less money. And technically, that is true in the short term. Remember, any money situation you’re in is always temporary, but our brain likes to project as if our current money situation is going to last forever.
And so if that’s where your brain goes, which it probably does, the idea of going part-time sooner immediately plants in your brain, “But then I’m going to have less money. And if I have less money then...” you know the rabbit hole you’re going to go down to. Versus another way to think about it is, what if you actually need to make less money in the short-term in order to make and have more money overall? Have you considered that?
Now, there is a slight, I don’t want to call it dilemma, but there’s almost like two competing money goals. It’s long-term financial goals or planning so that you don’t run out of money before you die. But then also enjoying your life in the present and enjoying the money that you’d have right now. So I want to give you an example, and the example is me.
Okay, so right now I pretty much have, not pretty much, I have time freedom now. And I’m working on my long-term financial goals and enjoying my life right now with the money that I do have. When I talk to people in real life, I think there might be an impression that I’m super loaded and rich and I have tons of money in the bank. And compared to what you probably think I need, I don’t. I’m still working on that.
And so for me, when I think about what makes my life meaningful or what experiences makes my life meaningful, money is part of that for sure because I love traveling. I think many of you do as well. And I want to be able to keep having them, I’m not going to put them on hold so that I can reach my long-term money goals faster.
I also want to have the money to have the resources to support my loved ones. And right now, that’s Jack attending private school. And he also gets speech and OT as well. And the best part is I can already do this because I am able to harness the power of credit card points. I use the points to facilitate my travel experiences, they’re basically highly subsidized. And for me, it’s to have higher quality travel experiences, meaning a little bit of luxury, things that I wouldn’t be able to afford in cash, quite frankly.
Another short-term goal, money-wise, is that right now in terms of how I’m prioritizing my long-term and my short-term wealth building is that I actually invest the most in my business. And when I say invest, I mean like money, time and my mental resources, right? My business provides my current cash flow, I get a paycheck. But it’s also my long-term goal. It’s also part of my long-term financial planning because as my business makes more profit, I use that profit to invest for my long-term goals.
I invest in syndications. We have some physical real estate, some other types of investments as well. So to me, these types of investments are part of the long-term game. And at the same time, I need to protect myself and my family to the best of my ability by having the proper insurances in place because I’m not freaking loaded yet. So that’s why I have life insurance and disability insurance and some other things as well.
Now, this is what I want for my life in terms of the money and how I want my life to look like, and so these trump some goals that most people have. Remember, this is all going to be really specific for you.
So for example, I don’t own my own apartment. I live in an apartment, I don’t own a house. I’m actually not that interested in buying a home. I’m not that interested in having nice things. I think there was a time where that was really important to me, but now I feel like I have more than enough nice things, I don’t really need more.
And, again, this is specific for me. If you live in a house that you bought and you like having nice things and that’s part of your vision, fantastic. It’s just that at this time, these are just not that important to me. Also, I love renting. I love it. I have a doorman. I have a package person that takes all my packages, including meal kits that we get periodically. There’s cold storage so I don’t have to get it right away. There’s a pool here. If something breaks, I just call someone. For me, it’s like I don’t have to think about anything.
Again, I don’t spend money on buying a house or having nice things because they’re just less important to me right now because I am prioritizing the other things I just described because that is what I’ve decided is what makes my life feel wealthy to me. And so if there’s only one thing you take away from this episode, is that money is only one part of the holistic approach to living wealthy.
So this might not be what you thought would be this episode in terms of goal planning. I do have a bunch of goal planning episodes that you can search for in the past. But again, it’s so important to really think about your life vision and then look at how the money fits into that vision, short-term and long-term.
So what are the meaningful experiences that you want to have and why? What makes you love your life? Is it meaningful time with your family, your loved ones? Is it traveling? Is it doing some kind of work that really makes you feel like you’re making a contribution to the world? I’m really excited for you to dive in and really think about this for yourself.
And if you want to dive in even more and want some help in doing this, then you definitely want to sign up for my Design Your Wealthy Life workshop that’s happening this Sunday on January 7th. Again, go to wealthymommd.com/design, or just click the link where you’re listening to this episode. And I will talk to you next week and hopefully see some of you this weekend. Take care.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
194: The Best Investment You Made This Year
For the last episode of 2023, I’m keeping things short and sweet. I appreciate each and every one of you listening. You’re committed to learning and growth, you invest time and energy in your brain and mindset, and this makes you part of the minority of people out there who know they’re meant for something more.
When you’re committed to your growth, taking the time to listen to podcasts like this one has a compounding effect on your life, and it has a huge impact on the people around you too, probably more than you realize. When you change how you think and behave, your energy transforms too, and the people in your life notice.
Tune in this week for my end-of-year message, and to learn about the compounding financial impact of investing in your brain.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- Why people who focus on their personal growth are in the minority.
- How your personal growth impacts the world around you.
- Why the potential ROI of working on your mindset is limitless.
- How the calculate the return on your investment in your mindset.
Listen to the Full Episode:
- Follow me on Instagram
- Join my Design Your Wealthy Life Workshop!
Welcome to the Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hello everyone, welcome to episode 194. This is the last episode of 2023. I don’t know about you, but this year went so fast. In fact, this is something I always realize every year, and I remember the realization that – Maybe it’s obvious to you – that the years just go faster and faster every year. And I think the reason that is the case is because we’re older. And what that means is that we have just lived so many years.
And so in many ways, a year doesn’t feel that long, versus when you’re a kid the summers feel so long because you just don’t have that much time memories. I don’t even know what that’s called, I think you know what I mean though. And so I want to make this short and sweet because I know many of you are probably busy, maybe you’re on vacation or maybe it’s just a regular work week.
But this time of the year is always a little different, right? And what I wanted to say is I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you. Now, of course I don’t know many of you, I may not have met you, I may not have interacted with you, and I appreciate you so much. I appreciate you for listening, especially my regular listeners who tune in every week.
I appreciate you listening, not just because that’s an extra listener for my podcast, but I make this podcast and I think about these episodes and I record them for you, right? And I also wanted to acknowledge you because if you’re listening, you are someone who is committed to learning, to growth. And you may not feel this way, but someone who is not interested in that does not listen to podcasts about mindset or let alone money.
And I also want to remind you that this is not the norm. You are in the minority of people who want to grow, who want something else, who know that they are meant for something more. And so I just wanted to remind you of that because I think that’s so easy to forget. I forget that too sometimes.
And when you’re someone who is committed to growth, no matter where you are, no matter if this is your first podcast or you just started listening to me or you just got introduced to this whole world or mindset and possibilities, or whether you’re kind of a veteran maybe self-help junkie, that’s me, I just also want to remind you that this learning, this doing, how much it compounds in your life.
And not just in your life, but how it impacts and affects the people in your lives. And I will say, for the most part you may have no idea how much you doing this impacts the people around you. Because most people aren’t going to say, “Wow, you’ve really helped me.” I mean they may, but when you do this work you naturally change how you’re thinking, how you’re behaving and your energy changes, right?
And so that sort of, I don’t know, comes out like osmosis, it’s like you’re sending out little energy signals. Stay with me here. And that affects people. Your patients will be affected, your family, your friends. And I think it’s really easy to think that we’re not making a big enough impact. And I also just wanted to say, in fact I was doing my daily Calm meditation and it was about how small acts of goodness, of kindness do have an impact in the world.
Personal growth is not a linear type of thing, right? It compounds in terms of your life enjoyment, your fulfillment and then the impact also compounds. And if you’ve been doing this work, you know that this work opens up opportunities that you may not have ever considered otherwise. I have so many examples, but this work has really led me to creating this business, which led me to creating this podcast and now you’re listening, right?
And then another thing I want to say is that this work also compounds financially. There is a financial return. And I think I may have talked about this before, but I think it’s really important because this is why mindset is such a big piece of money and the way I teach it. And it’s a big part of my program, Money For Women Physicians, because it’s that important.
In fact, I will say, and I’ve known this in my own life, that investing in yourself, and I will say specifically investing in your brain because that’s what kind of drives the growth, right? As you learn new things, your brain makes new connections and opens up opportunities.
For example, I have clients who would have never considered, I don’t know, starting a business, investing in real estate or whatever that might be, negotiating for a raise, if they hadn’t started doing this work and investing in your brain. Really, the returns are, in many ways, limitless. I was trying to think of – There’s no number I can give you, right? But I will say for sure it is more than the stock market, which is what, 10 to 12%. And you have to adjust that for inflation.
I think it’s crazy that most of us have been taught that that is the best way to invest your money. It’s probably the easiest way. And it is also, I think, the most conservative way besides just having your money in either a high yield savings account, it’s never high yield by the way, I don’t know why they even call it that, or just sitting in cash.
And so the financial return of investing in your mind, it’s really limitless. And for those of you who have been doing this work and you have seen it yourself, I want you to take a moment to just roughly guesstimate what has been the return for you for doing this work in your life, money wise? How has it set you up for a future that you wouldn’t have done otherwise?
So that’s really all I wanted to say today. I wanted to just tell you how much I’m grateful for you being here. And also to remind you how amazing you are and that doing this work is not easy, and most people will never do it.
And because I know you’re someone who loves to grow, I want to let you know that I’m going to be doing a two-part workshop and it’s called Design Your Wealthy Life. I have never done this type of workshop before, and this is going to really set you up for even more compounding growth because we’re going to talk about the money, but I also want you to be intentional of how you’re going to create the life that you really want and marry that with the money because they’re not two separate things, right? They really go hand in hand.
And so the best way to sign up is to go to wealthymommd.com/workshop. And I will see you then, it’s on January 7th. And as soon as you sign up, you’ll get part one and you’ll get some exercises to do to set you up for the January 7th workshop. Okay, happy end of year and I’ll talk to you in the new year.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
193: The Truth About Retirement
For many of us physicians, we think retirement is the ultimate goal when it comes to our financial journey. However, what even is retirement? I truly believe retirement, as we imagined it in med school, is a myth, and it perfectly illustrates something called the arrival fallacy.
The truth is, there is never a moment when we get to where life will suddenly be better. But there is an ingrained societal belief out there that we go to school, work hard, then retire at 65 and enjoy our money while spending time with our grandchildren. However, this isn’t the truth about retirement.
Tune in this week to discover the truth about retirement and the arrival fallacy. I’m showing you why things don’t magically get better when we reach financial freedom, become debt-free, or hit retirement. Instead, you’ll learn how to create a better experience of life right now, instead of waiting until later to enjoy yourself.
If you need help planning financially for next year, join me for Design Your Wealthy Life! This is a free workshop happening January 7th 2024, and you can sign up by clicking here.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- How I used to think about retirement, and why my view has changed.
- What the arrival fallacy is.
- Why things don’t magically get better when you reach retirement.
- How to start living your life with more intention right now.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
- Join me for a Money Planning Workshop on January 7th 2024.
- 15: The Retirement Myth
Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hey everyone, welcome to episode 193. By the time this episode comes out, I will be packing to go away for Christmas week. We recently started this tradition of going away Christmas week. Well, this will be our third year of doing it. We went to the Bahamas the first year, then we went to Puerto Rico and this year we’re going to Saint Kitts.
Now, obviously, I booked all of these trips using Hyatt points, and so you can imagine these hotels are very expensive the week of Christmas and I definitely would not have been able to do it without the power of credit card points. In fact, let me just tell you what the cash price would be at this resort.
It’s one of the luxury Hyatts, it’s the Park Hyatt, and the cash price for seven nights would have been something like $20,000. Insane, right? And usually I pay cash for flights unless it’s international, mainly because you don’t usually get a good points deal. But the flights were also astronomical and for a four hour flight from New Jersey I was not going to pay close to 2K per ticket for the three of us. And so I used points for that too.
Now, something that I didn’t realize, or maybe I did but just wasn’t thinking about it, is that just like flights the cash price can fluctuate, and I recommend you kind of keep track of this. You can just go to Google Flights and do a track flights thing so you can monitor the price. So the price actually went down for this flight, including the number of points required. And so I reached out to United and I got 90,000 points back. Also insane, right? Only because I noticed that.
And so that’s a whole long-winded thing, I wasn’t planning on talking about that trip or the points I used. Today I’m going to be talking about the retirement myth, which is basically the arrival fallacy. And I thought this was a perfect episode as a segue to my upcoming money planning workshop that you definitely want to come to.
It’s going to be January 7, 2024 at 1PM Eastern. You can get all the details at wealthymommd.com/workshop. It’ll also be linked in the show notes as well. This workshop is called Design Your Wealthy Life, and the reason why I’m mentioning this now is that most of us are waiting until later to really have and enjoy, to live the life we want. And I do not want you to have to wait.
And you definitely don’t need to wait until you have tons of money in order to do this. One of the most common things I hear from women is something like, I want to do this, I want to work less, whatever it is, but… I can’t because of money. And I would say, I can’t give you a percentage, but I would say 80% to 90% of the time, maybe even 100% of the time, that’s actually not true.
And so, as you know, I like to talk about living wealthy, which is not just about the money, but also really living the life that you want. And so that’s what this workshop is going to be about. And I used to really think that more money would make me happy, I know we sort of know that’s not true, but we also think it will. I can’t be the only one, right?
And so that’s what we’re going to talk about in this episode. And make sure that you sign up for the workshop, it’s going to be amazing. It’s actually a two-part workshop. The first part we’re going to email you as soon as you sign up, and then part two is going to be live on January 7th. Again, go to wealthymommd.com/workshop to save your spot.
Hey, everyone. I’m super excited today to talk about retirement. What does retirement even mean? And what does it mean for you? You know, I used to think that that was the ultimate goal when it came to money. When I first got into the whole financial independence and retire early movement, it’s very sexy and very seductive. And it kind of goes into this view that once we get there, financial freedom and retirement, that life will suddenly be better. I’ve since sort of changed my tune about retirement. And so that’s what I want to talk about today.
First, I want to talk a bit about societal beliefs about retirement. We’re talking about the US, obviously. There’s this belief or accepted belief, I should say, that the way life works is you go to school for a long time. You get a job, and then you work for a long time, several decades. Then, you “retire” at age 65, which brings images of the golf course, traveling and hanging out with grandkids, taking river cruises. Who decided this?
It’s so easy to get caught up in this early retirement movement because it implies that things will get better once you are there, once you’ve arrived. And you may have heard me talk about the arrival fallacy. The fallacy is that things actually are not better when you get there. Here’s the reason why.
When you achieve something, for many of us finishing residency and becoming an attending, how many of us think that life was going to be suddenly better once that happened? It was for a little bit, right? Then we realized, “Oh, this is it?” That’s the same thing when you reach financial freedom. “Oh, this is it?” Because you take yourself, your brain, wherever you get to. So things actually aren’t better, you just think it is.
Just like when I became debt-free when I paid off the last bit of my loans. Yeah, it felt awesome and then it was kind of anti-climatic. The goalpost just always moves, doesn’t it? Of course, you know that I’m going to say that it all goes back to your mindset or how you think. Most of us think that we need to attain something like financial early retirement in order to feel something. In that order, it is have, do, be.
But the order is actually reversed. It’s be, do, have or think, feel, do to actually get to a place. You don’t need to retire to feel better, you need to feel better first. This is what I do as a coach, I help people manage their minds. I teach them these tools because you do not need to retire, you do not need some magical amount of money to feel better, to feel secure, to have peace of mind, to feel financial freedom. I know this might sound like bad news, but it’s actually awesome news.
Well, let’s get back to our topic of retirement. I kind of hate this word since, like I said, it implies that life will be better when I retire. What if the goal isn’t to retire, but to create a life we love now? A life where we “work” and that work is our contribution to the world. We travel now, we have the time now, not later. Because here’s the thing, later isn’t guaranteed. Yeah, I know you can’t exactly live your life today like it’s your last day all the time. But I think all of us can live our lives with more intention than we already are.
So my challenge to you is what have you been putting off that you want to do? Maybe it’s learning how to garden or spend more time with some family members that you can actually start doing now in some capacity. And the flip side, what are you doing that you really don’t want to do but are tolerating? I’m not saying you should drop those things immediately, but maybe it’s time to develop an exit plan.
No one can live life for you. No one can make decisions for you, only you can. So here’s my personal take on what retirement means for me. I’m not interested in it. I want to live a life I want now, and that will change over time as I change. At some point, I may need to “slow down” because my body won’t be as young as it is now, but I will still enjoy life and likely still want to contribute to the world in some way.
Right now, this is how I spend my time. I work “full-time” on Wealthy Mom MD. I spend time with my family and virtual time with friends. I want to live the life I want right now. I am living the life I want right now. Is it perfect? No, far from it. I’m not in some perfect place and I am not financially free in the traditional sense. I don’t have millions in the bank.
I started taking these steps about a year ago when I made the decision to switch to locums. I didn’t have a plan, but I did have a coach that believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. So what small step can you take this week towards living your life intentionally sooner rather than later? Don’t wait too long.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
192: The Truth About Money and Morality
We are currently in an expensive time of the year. We tend to spend money on presents, Black Friday shopping, and Holiday experiences. For many women, this brings up thoughts about how you spend your money and the morality of using your money in this way, especially with all of the horrible things going on in the world.
However, the truth is, money has no morals. If you’re appreciative of the life you live but also feel a little bad that you have the means to do so, then today’s episode is going to be super useful and give you some valuable insights into your thoughts about money and morality.
Tune in this week to discover why money has no morals. I’m discussing the societal influences that make people think of the pursuit of money as a bad thing, how talking about money has become taboo, and why I believe we should be having more conversations about money.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- How society has taught us that money and rich people are bad.
- Why, in truth, money has no morals.
- How talking about money has become taboo, and why it shouldn’t be.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Welcome to the Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hey everyone, welcome to episode 192. So, today I have a special episode for you. It’s a replay of episode 11, so that was pretty much when I first started the podcast, which I think was 2020. And the title is Money Has No Morals. I haven’t talked about the morality of money in a while, I actually have a whole chapter on it inside my book, Defining Wealth for Women. If you don’t have the book already, what are you waiting for?
In fact, I actually have a really easy way for you to get the book. We have a special money book bundle where you’ll get the audiobook version of my book along with the Kindle version or PDF if you don’t use Kindle. And I’ll also send you the workbook of all the exercises that are in the book.
And so if you want to grab your copy, and you get all of that for just $7, go to wealthymommd.com/bundle, that’s B-U-N-D-L-E. We’ll also link it in the show notes because I know many of you are listening to the podcast on the go, driving et cetera. And so that is the easiest and the cheapest way to get my book. Obviously, if you’re more of a physical book person, you're going to go to Amazon or wherever you buy your books.
Anywho, I thought this was a good time to talk about this topic because this is the time of year we’re spending a lot of money on Christmas presents. Maybe you did a bunch of Black Friday shopping, like I did, and you might be having a lot of thoughts about how you spend your money, especially with all the really horrible things going on in the world.
And so I know that I’ve been thinking a lot about this in terms of vacillating between really being appreciative and grateful of the life that I have, of where I live, how I live, et cetera, and also feeling bad that I have the means to do so. And so I thought this topic was really fitting.
Now, if you haven’t already, I really want you to listen to the previous episode, which is 191, where I talk about End-Of-Year Reflections. And so if you skipped over it or maybe listened to it and forgot, I want to remind you that I have an amazing freebie for you. It’s basically an End-Of-Year Reflection prompt and there’s also room for you to write your answers. And this is something I really want all of you to take the time to do.
I just had a call today, in fact, inside my coaching program and I also said the same thing because it is really the perfect way to get you set up for 2024. And we are going to be doing a special workshop for that, I’ll tell you more about it on next week’s podcast.
All right, so here is Money Has No Morals.
Hey everyone. Welcome back. Today, we're going to talk about money and its lack of morals. You heard me. Money has no morals. You knew that, right? We know that intellectually, but we really don't know it because of all the stuff that I hear from lots of people when it comes to the pursuit of having money and the fact that no one talks about money.
It's a hush hush topic. Think about the movies there are in the world, right? We have Robinhood, which is about taking money from the bad rich people to give it to the non-rich people. In a lot of movies, there are these really rich people, but they're all bad. Very few movies out there that talk about the really good rich people or celebrating them for that matter. It’s so strange, isn't it? What is it about money that gets people into a conniption.
What I want to do today is to go over three general things when it comes to money and its lack of morals. Number one: Is the pursuit of money bad? Number two: Do you judge other people around how they spend their money? And number three: Why is talking about money taboo?
Let's start with number one. Is the pursuit of money bad? Well, gee, I hope not. Let's go over three things when it comes to money and its lack of morals. Number one: Is money bad or is the pursuit of money bad? Number two: Can you spend money in a good way or in a bad way? And number three: Why is it impolite or taboo to talk about money?
Let's start with number one. Is money bad or the pursuit of money bad? In case you didn't know, I grew up going to a Christian Church, and I find that many people who have faith in God or some other higher being, a lot of us are kind of messed up around money. We might believe it’s not good to want money. What I hear a lot is, you know, money isn't that important. It doesn't make you happy. Things like that.
So back to the original question: Is the pursuit of money bad? In the movies, it seems like it is. It seems like anyone who wants more money is greedy. And why is that? Why have we sort of collapsed the two? Why are people with money portrayed as greedy or portrayed as cutting corners or that they had to treat people badly in order to get there? That kind of is like the theme around here right now. If you overheard someone talking about you specifically saying that you are super rich, what are you feeling right now? Do you feel awesome about that? Or are you feeling embarrassed or having some shame or guilt around that? What I also see when it comes to talking about people with money, we have to somehow diminish them. You know, I hear things like, “Oh, well their parents have money” or “You know, they got lucky” or “They married well.” Like it's some random fluke, right?
Let's move on to number two. Do you handle your money better than your neighbor? I see a lot of people judging other people for how they spend or handle their money. Meaning you may think you're better than them because you think you spend your money better than they do. Like you think they waste money on clothes or shoes or they are wasting money on lavish vacations or you think you would spend your money better. You know what I mean. We've all done this. I've done this too. I think this also kind of goes back to what I said earlier. If we think someone has more money and we think they're displaying it, then we become uncomfortable. It’s like we have to find a reason for why there's something wrong with them. Or we make a moral judgment about them.
Are you starting to see a theme here? Most of us are really uncomfortable when it comes to money, whether it's us or other people with money. Why are we so uncomfortable talking about the money we have or the money that we make? I think it's especially strange among physicians, even within the same specialty. Most people don't want to tell you how much they're making.
This is also perpetuated by certain employers who expressly tell you that you're not allowed to talk about your salary with other people. Why is that now? Obviously, I think this also perpetuates gender inequality to some degree, but it goes even beyond that. Why do people not talk about the money that they make? I would think most of us are interested in making more money. So why aren't we interested in talking about that and asking other people and finding out, “Oh, you make more money than me. Wow. How did you do that?” Instead, we get angry. We get jealous or we don't want to talk about it because we think it's impolite to talk about it. Somehow, money's become this thing like this measure of our worth. If you have less money than you're not as worthy, or if you have less money, people don't want to spend time with you. What does money have to do with whether you're good or bad? What does it have to do with whether you're successful or not?
Now, if you recall in the first episode called What’s Your Lens, I talked about how your thoughts affect how you feel, which affects your behavior and ultimately gives you your results. Well, there's another piece to this. It's called a circumstance or a fact or a “what happened.” So a circumstance is something that happens or it's a thing. It's a phrase. Someone said it's like the most neutral form of what happened. Money is a circumstance which means money triggers a thought that thought triggers a feeling. That feeling creates action and then some of the actions end up being your result or outcome. And in this case, it could be money as well.
So what if money is neutral? What if money is just a number? And it's what you think about it that determines whether it's good or bad, whether you're stressed or anxious and whether you have it or not.
Remember us humans, we are meaning-making machines, and there's nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, life wouldn't be rich, no pun intended, without all of our humanness and all of our experiences. But it's so important to understand that circumstances--in this case, money--does not cause emotions nor does it cause morals.
Even though we can get this concept intellectually, when it comes to certain topics like money, it can be really challenging to wrap our heads around this. Let me say this another way. How you think about money dictates how you feel about money, not the money itself. It's what you're thinking about money, because money is neutral. It's either there or not there. How you feel about money because of what you're thinking dictates the actions you take or you don't take, which then creates your results.
I find a lot of people saying things that they think are facts, but they're really thoughts and beliefs. The problem is that after several years or decades, these thoughts become cemented into beliefs. And we think the beliefs are the truth. So let me give you some examples. “I can't afford that.” That seems like the truth, but what if I told you, that's just a thought? It's just a belief. You'll argue with me because of what you have or don’t have or something like that. “Money is tight.” Sounds true to you anyway. Right? What if that's just a belief? We need to sort of separate the two things.
What I've seen a lot during the pandemic of 2020 is that something will happen. Like your employer says, “We're going to cut your income” or your employer says, “We're not going to cut your income, but you need to work more.” There's different flavors. Some people have lost jobs. Many physicians are not working or not seeing patients. Something happens. Then, you think about what happened and that makes you feel a certain way. So if you're feeling stressed or anxious about money, you think you're feeling stressed or anxious because you just found out your income is going down.
So what about you? Do you think money is good or bad? Why do you think that? Is money hard? Does being an internist mean you'll never make a lot of money? What's a lot of money? I'd love to know what you're thinking.
I think we can all collectively agree that money's pretty important in this world. Sure. It's not everything. It definitely won't guarantee happiness either, but it's pretty important. And money solves a lot of problems. So why is the pursuit of money considered not good? What if the opposite was true?
Well, I hope this episode has given you lots to think about. I'll see you next week.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
191: How to Reflect on the past Year & Why It’s Important
We’re in December, which means people are winding down, phoning it in, and telling themselves they’ll feel motivated again come January. But instead of encouraging you to start looking ahead to 2024 right now, I’m here to help you look back on the past 12 months and perform a year-end reflection.
What did you love in 2023? What disappointed you? How would you have done things differently? Rather than shoving everything under the carpet and having a clean slate for the start of next year, it’s time to get analytical and do a year-end reflection.
Tune in this week to take stock of what you’ve accomplished in 2023 and let that information guide how you approach the next 12 months. You’ll learn how to get clear on everything the past year has taught you and what you might want to do differently as we move into 2024. I’m also sharing my own year-end reflection, so you can see what this process looks like in practice.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- What a year-end reflection looks like.
- How a year-end reflection helps you decide how to move forward in 2024.
- Why this isn’t about berating yourself for missed opportunities in the past year.
- Some resources you can use to reflect on your 2023.
- How to start your year-end reflection right now.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
Welcome to the Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Welcome to episode 191. So, it is that time of the year every year where people are winding down. And I was going to say thinking about how the year went, but mainly I feel like a lot of people, including myself, we’re just kind of mailing it in. We’re like, okay, I’ll get re-motivated in January.
Now, I am going to talk about that in January, about how I want you to think about goals and blah, blah, blah, because I know that’s something we all do, including me. And I will say a year-end reflection is something that I really don’t see a lot of people doing because, again, maybe we don’t want to, maybe we don’t really want to think about it because we’re probably only going to think about the things that we didn’t do or things that we didn’t like, et cetera. And we kind of shove it under the carpet and just have a clean slate in January. And I want to implore you not to do that.
So this episode is coming out at the beginning of December, and I did that on purpose because if I did this episode the last week of the year, you definitely wouldn’t do this. Plus, you’re going to be busy with all of your holiday stuff, and maybe you’ll even be away.
So this is actually the best time to reflect on the year, whether it’s – Actually I think right after Thanksgiving is probably the best time. Doing a reflection also gives you really, really valuable information on how you want to move forward. But what I think is most important about this is that it’s an opportunity to take stock of what you did accomplish and appreciate all the goodness that happened this year, because I know for sure there is so much goodness you can reflect on.
And, of course, it’s an opportunity to reflect on any lessons learned. And it’s less about what you regret, et cetera. And there’s nothing wrong with spending time regretting something. Basically, it’s a form of a wish that went differently, whether it’s something you had a direct part of or not. Because I think that is important as well. But you don’t have to do it in a way where you’re just constantly berating yourself and feeling crappy about yourself, which is why so many of us just avoid doing it.
There’s an order to do things, and I’ve talked about this before, it’s really important to start with what went well, what you’re happy about, et cetera before moving on to what did I learn? What are some things that I wish I did differently? The reason why this order is important is because it puts your mindset and your emotions in a more, well, not just positive, but also way more neutral. And what that means is that when you do start exploring what you did learn and what you wish went differently, that neutral mindset is critical for you to see things as objectively as possible.
Now, one of the things I’ve talked about in the past is by giving the year a title. Think of it as like the title of a chapter in your life, because that’s really what it is, right? And you get to decide what the title is. And you get to decide what’s in that chapter in terms of the story of the version that you’re telling yourself. Because it’s a story and it’s a version. However you think the truth is, we’re all creating stories about our lives.
So I have two things that I recommend that you do a reflection. The first is most of us take a gazillion pictures, myself included. And so I want you to spend some time, I doubt it’s going to take more than 20 or 30 minutes, going through the pictures you took this year and creating a highlight reel, literally, or just create another album, Best of 2023.
And if you have an iPhone, there are fancy ways, I’m sure it’s like this on Android, but you can literally have the phone make a little video of those pictures. I mean it’s pretty cool, right? And so if you do that, then you can also save that video as well.
And I think this is such a great way to reflect on the year for you to see all the amazing memories that you’ve created. Because generally speaking, we don’t take pictures of crappy things that are happening to us, right? So usually the pictures are all good stuff. Or they could just be capturing a moment, like taking a picture of food, which I definitely do a lot.
And I’ve actually thought about this. I’m like why do I take pictures of food because I literally never look at them again. Like never. But in the moment, it seems like a good idea. So I actually feel like I may stop doing that because what’s the point? Like I’ll post them on my Instagram story because they just disappear, but I don’t really want to save a picture on my phone.
The second thing I have for you is that I actually have created a list of journaling prompts, questions to ask yourself to think about the year. Basically, end of the year reflection prompts, and we’ve created a nice workbook for you so you can download it, print it out, or if you’re someone who likes to do things electronically, either way it will work.
And so if you want to grab the end of the year reflections, go to wealthymommd.com/reflection. Again, that’s wealthymommd.com/reflections. And if you’re on this podcast episode, wherever you’re listening to the app, you can go to the link there to grab your copy.
And so if you choose to get this workbook, which I highly recommend that you do, then I want to make sure you actually do it, right? You actually have to spend time filling out the questions. I really would set aside an hour to do this. And I really want you to spend time going deep and filling it out, because what you write here is going to be, again, like I said, so useful and valuable, it’s going to help inform you on how you want to move forward, which is what we all spend January doing, right?
So I just want to give you some of my reflections from my personal and my business life. And for these reflections, I’m mainly just reflecting on how I spent my time. So this year, personally, I definitely focused a lot more on my relationships, particularly with my family. I work with a parent coach, I had her on the podcast not too long ago.
Jack has needed some extra support this year and so I’ve been spending so much more time and attention making sure he gets what he needs. And also just being frankly grateful that I have the ability and the time and the resources to give him the help that he needs.
Matt and I also started seeing a marriage therapist, and that was really instigated not so much like an incident, but some close friends of mine have been working on their relationships, some had something really tragic happen and some just felt like their marriage was kind of like blah. And another couple, they’ve always worked on the relationship actively.
And that’s, honestly, one of the reasons, probably the main reason as they love talking about it, why their marriage is so successful. And so it’s interesting, right? I’m pretty open about the support that I get and I definitely noticed that when I mentioned that we have a marriage therapist, marriage counselor, whatever you want to call it, we’re not married, but same difference, people automatically think there must be something wrong with the relationship.
But how I treat, you know, how I talk about coaching or any other therapy, it’s really to uplevel your life. All relationships take work. They all require time and attention. And your intimate partner/spouse is arguably probably the most important relationship in your life. So wouldn’t you want to do what you can to make it so much better?
So it has been really great and really eye-opening. And again, I think whenever you take the time, attention and money to focus on something, so much growth happens.
Now one thing that didn’t get done is working on my physical fitness. I am pretty sedentary. And it has literally been on my to-do list constantly to create some kind of fitness plan. Now, of course, it didn’t just happen that I didn’t get it done, but it’s definitely something that I keep saying I want to do, but I don’t do it. And so that’s something I’m going to have to examine.
Specifically, I really want to be working out regularly in terms of weight training, taking walks every morning, things like that. And so that’s something that I need to work on.
Now, some reflections in my business is that this year I was a lot less focused on a money goal. And I think in the past I’ve been too focused on that. And kind of like I said in a previous podcast about maximum life enjoyment, I’ve been using this principle in my business as well, right?
Because a business does make money, and if you’re solely focused on becoming a – In the coaching world, making seven figures is like one of the coveted milestones, then you kind of miss out on the whole point of having a business, especially having a business that you love that really works with the way you want to live your life.
And so no surprise that when I was less focused about money and more focused about creating a business that I love, and creating products and services that I know are so needed, I have made the most money this year in my business. This year I created a money conference for women it’s actually not being delivered until March of 2024
But this is the year that I finally said I’m going to do it, I’m going to create it. And we sold it. And it sold out really fast, which means we could probably have a lot more people next year. And at the time of this recording, we don’t have a contract signed, but we are in contract for the 2025 conference, it’s going to be in February. I don’t remember the dates off the top of my head. But when we do have a contract signed, I will tell you more about it.
I know it’s super far in the future. And I also know that you all love to have things planned in the future, especially for things like this, where you’re going to have to take time off from work. It’s going to be at an amazing, amazing place, okay?
I also spent time keeping in the theme of creating a business that I love. I hired an amazing assistant. And even though she’s one person, I basically call her my team. And my team is not just her, right? It’s also my podcast editor, my Facebook ads person, my CFO/bookkeeper.
But I feel like this year I’ve really created an amazing team and my assistant has simplified my life so much because I was really spending time stuck in the weeds of my business and not spending time doing the things only I can do. The thinking, the creating, the coaching. If you’re a physician, think about how you’re not really able to see patients because you’re stuck being the office manager, the MA, the bookkeeper, et cetera.
That’s how it was for me for a certain period of time, and I was burned out. And so I finally am really thrilled with what I’ve created so far. And I’m so much happier as a result.
And, of course, there are things about my business that I wish went differently and things that I would do differently and things that I’ve learned as well. That’s just a little peek into some of my reflections and taking account as to how this year went, and I really hope you do the same.
Don’t forget to get the year-end, end of the year reflections, rather. It is wealthymommd.com/reflections or just go to where you’re listening to this podcast and you should see a link for that. You also could just go to wealthymommd.com/191 and you’ll see the link there to grab your year-and reflection workbook.
All right. I hope you’re all having an amazing start of the month and the end of the year as well. See you next week.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
190: Building Wealth vs. Actually Living
Bill Perkins’ book, Die With Zero, has been blowing my mind lately. Die With Zero offers a total paradigm for how to think about money, offering a focus on maximum life enjoyment. If you want to create a life you truly love while you’re on your wealth-building journey, today’s episode is for you.
The truth is, living wealthy means having both the life you want plus money in the bank. Of course, this looks different for all of us. Whatever financial goals you’re working towards and whatever lifestyle you envision yourself having, what I’m sharing in this episode will give you a new perspective on getting everything you can out of your money while still enjoying your life.
Tune in this week to discover what I learned from Bill Perkins’ amazing book, Die With Zero. I’m giving you a new perspective on saving for retirement, discussing why your kids need money the most when they’re younger, not after you pass away, and why some lifelong memories could be worth more in your old age than the money you could have saved.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- How most people die at their peak net worth.
- Why physicians get tired of the delayed gratification of saving for retirement.
- The financial rules I’ve always followed and why this book has helped me in rethinking them.
- How saving money to donate or pass down after you die could actually be considered selfish.
- Why your kids need money the most when they’re young adults, not when you die.
- How to see where you’re giving up too much in pursuit of wealth.
- Why what I’m sharing today isn’t about spending money recklessly, but maximizing your life enjoyment.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
Welcome to the Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Welcome to episode 190. So today I want to talk about my thoughts from reading this book called Die With Zero. It’s a book that most of us have probably heard of, and it’s been on my list of things to check out for at least a year or so.
And I kind of knew the basic premise so I kind of was like, oh, I don’t really need to read it, I kind of know what it’s about. But I’ve been listening to a lot more audiobooks lately in the car, I have a long drive to Jack’s school. And let me tell you, it has been blowing my mind. I feel like it is a total paradigm shift for how to think about money.
And first, I just love getting my mind blown and having a total paradigm shift about anything. But, obviously, when it comes to money, I get really excited because this is what I do. This is what I teach. He talks about maximum life enjoyment and that’s basically the way I define living wealthy, right? Living wealthy is having the money and having the life that you want, like a rich life.
And that’s going to look different for all of us. Not all of us are going to want the same amount of money. And when I say the same amount of money, I mean, in terms of using the money for different things, right? One thing I did know, and a friend of mine actually told me about this recently, like it’s something I knew already but bringing it to the surface also made me think differently about money, and that most of us will die at our peak net worth.
Now, when I say most – First of all, I should say that this book and what I’m talking about and, well, my whole brand, I guess, is aimed at female physicians. Meaning that we make a pretty great income, multiple six-figures. And so high-income earners most likely, and I don’t have the percentage on this, but if I had to guess it’s probably over 90% die at your peak net worth.
So what does this mean? This means a few things. Most of us are so worried and obsessed about saving for the future, saving for retirement, right? It’s a form of majorly delayed gratification that I think all of us are a little tired of after spending a decade in training. And it makes sense that you want to take care of your future, your future self. But if you understood and knew that you would die at your peak net worth, you probably would save a little differently and live a little differently.
Now, again, this is something I kind of knew, but I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me. So when I worked with a financial planner early on in my attending career, I remember getting these projections of how much we would have depending on how much we put in and compound interest, blah, blah, blah.
And my goal at the time was to get to about $5 million to “retire.” Because using the 4% rule, which is for every million dollars you have in the stock market, you can safely take out 4% or $40,000. Although some people are saying you could probably go a little higher. Anywho, the caveat with that is that the money is still invested when you’re withdrawing from it. A lot more conservatively and maybe you’ll have a large cash reserve in case there’s a downturn, right?
But I remember in the table using our life expectancy, let’s say it was 85, I don’t remember, we were going to die with $10 million. Isn’t that crazy? I mean, at first I was like, that’s a lot of money and that’s kind of cool. But then also, why aren’t we using the money sooner? Why can’t I take out more? And if I die with $10 million, that’s money I couldn’t enjoy, whether it’s to enjoy spending on myself, enjoy giving it away to either my kids, my family, causes that I love et cetera.
And so this book really talked about how waiting until you die to leave money to all the various people and maybe charities and maybe your alma mater is actually really selfish. I know, that kind of blew my mind too. And he talked about how we’ve all been conditioned to give or leave money for our families upon death.
Now, what he says – Now he has a whole chapter on kids because when you think that you should spend as much money as you can before you die, he has a whole chapter about what about the kids. And so let me tell you what he said about the kids.
Now, what he talked about is something that I already was on board with. And that if you have kids, and even if you don’t, there’s people in your life that you love and you probably enjoy spending money on them or you love to be generous. Your kids need money the most when they are launching. When they’re young adults and starting out.
They’re not going to need it as much when you die and they’re over 50. They really could have used the money when they were younger adults. Maybe it’s to get their first place. Maybe it’s to get married. Maybe it’s to help out when they’re having kids.
He talks about how it comes down to your money, your time and your health. And that when you’re a younger adult, you have a lot more time but a lot less money, and you have a lot of health. So think of it as a triangle, and the triangle – What are those called? The sides, the legs, they change over time, right?
So you can see that when you’re younger, you have a lot of time, you have a lot of health, but you probably have the least amount of money. And on the flip side, when you’re much older, I don’t know over 60, 70, we all can agree that our health is going to decline no matter how well you take care of yourself, right? And so when you’re much older, you have a lot more money, you have a lot more time, but you have a lot less health.
And so I found this framework a great way to think about how I want my life to look. I’m getting a little off course, I’ll come back to the kids. But he recommended thinking about your life in specific time periods. I think we can all agree that there are different seasons in our life in terms of what we do and how we spend our time.
And so he recommended actually mapping out around five-year blocks and figuring out how you want to spend that time using those three things I talked about; your money, your health, and your time. And the one thing I want to say about that before I come back to the idea about kids, is that it helps you prioritize the things that you want to do in terms of like, do I need to do this sooner rather than later?
Like he gave the example of if you want to climb a big mountain. I have no desire to do that. You need to do that when you’re younger, when you have great health, right?
Okay, now back to the kids. Again, as I said, they need money when they’re younger and starting out. And he talks a lot about the ROI of spending money. Now, I talk about this a lot, too, because a lot of us when we’re thinking about spending money, we only see the money leaving our bank account, right?
So let’s say something costs $5,000. You might just look at, oh, that’s a lot of money. That’s $5,000 leaving my bank account. But everything you spend money on has a return on investment. Now, it’s not necessarily quantifiable, but it is in terms of if you’re investing the money, right? You do expect it to go up.
A lot of it could be classified as priceless, right? You get to decide what that means to you, but he talks about how experiences become lifelong memories. Now, I think we all know that when we spend money on experiences or spend time on experiences, that gives a lot more life happiness ROI. I think that makes total sense. And so he talks about spending money on your family when they’re younger gives tons of memory ROI for you and for them.
Now, one of the reasons I mentioned this is I’ve seen a lot of talk about how traveling with the kids when they’re really young, I guess before five years old, is kind of a waste because they’re not going to remember it. And I just want to say that is not true. You will definitely remember it and have lifelong memories of them as young kids, which when they’re super old or even my age, it’s going to be nice to have memories of your kids when they were really young.
And even if your kids might not have what I call picture memories of their travel experience, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have memories. I think of it as like their body and their brain has absorbed that experience and it helps shape who they are, okay?
So just in case some of you are thinking there’s no point in taking them around the world or wherever you want to go because they’re too young and they’re not going to remember it. But remember, you’re going to remember it.
And I think about that when it comes to my mom, who’s in her early 70s. And she has great health, but we don’t know and she doesn’t know how long that will last. And so that is one thing that I’ve been trying to do more of, is how can I create more memories with her and with Jack, at this time her only grandson, so that she can have those memories too, you know?
So back to that little triangle framework. I talked about; time, money and health. And so he says in your peak earning years, you have a lot less time, you have more money and your health is pretty good. And this is sort of the period of time in our life where basically he says we are working too much and we are spending too much accumulating wealth.
And he has this quote that really stuck out at me. “Once you’re in the habit of working for money to live, the thrill of making money exceeds the thrill of actually living.” I want you to spend a second thinking about that quote. Now, I don’t know if I agree that the thrill of making money exceeds the thrill of actually living, but the way I think about it is that I think a lot of us become a little bit too obsessed about building wealth instead of actually living.
Now, they’re not mutually exclusive. And there are ways and I feel like this is something I’ve done, is I’ve really combined how I make money into my life, my lifestyle, right? What I do really lends itself well to traveling. I travel to conferences where I get to spend time with my friends, coaching, doing this podcast, creating conferences, all the stuff I do in my business are things that I truly, truly enjoy. Nothing is 100% amazing, but I will say that I have really minimized the parts that I don’t like about my work. And mainly that comes down to delegation.
Now, you might be thinking, okay, this sounds great in theory, but I don’t want to run out of money. And is Bonnie saying that I should just spend my money recklessly? That is not what I’m saying. And actually, this is going to affect how I teach money.
And, side note, I am rerecording my program right now and it’s going to be awesome. And it will be unveiled in January. So just an FYI, whether you’re a current member or not.
So he really wants you to think about what gives you maximum life enjoyment. And again, this is going to change depending on what period of your life you’re in. And using that to help inform you how you want to spend your money.
Now, he was talking about a period of time when he had a lot more money and he was just spending more on stuff and things that really didn’t give him long lasting joy. And he even says, or postulates I should say, that when you’re a really young adult, I’m thinking like in your 20s, that it doesn’t make sense to save your money.
I think that’s also another paradigm shift because everyone says save money when you’re young, the magic of compound interest, et cetera. And he gives a story about how when he was, I don’t know, some lowly job on the totem pole working at the stock market when he was making like $20,000 a year or something. It was less than $30,000 in New York City.
And how he proudly told his boss that he had managed to save, I don’t know, a certain amount of money. And his boss actually told him, or rather yelled at him saying, what are you doing? You’re going to make so much money, you’re going to make more money as you get older, you should be spending the money and enjoying your life. And it kind of stunned him.
But it really made me think like, why are we so obsessed with saving money when we’re younger? I think it’s because we’ve all been fed, it’s not a lie though, that compound interest and we need time and money to bank on it. I hear this all the time. And there’s nothing wrong with it. That is true. But are we doing it at the expense of enjoying our life in the current?
And what he says is that our fear of running out of money, which is rampant, right? This is a form of scarcity, not enough money. Even though that fear of running out of money is really, really, really unlikely to happen. And he said people who do save for the future, tend to save up too much and wait until too late in their lives to spend it on fulfilling experiences, if at all.
So he actually talked about a friend of his who went backpacking in Europe for several months, and I think actually went into some debt for that. And he actually said he was on board with that, because that gave him a crazy amount of ROI in terms of his memories and experiences and things he frankly you can’t do anymore when you’re older and have a family and obligations, right?
And, obviously, those obligations are a choice, having a family et cetera. But there are certain things you simply can’t do depending on what life season you’re in. Now, I’m going to give you some examples from my life that I didn’t go into debt for but definitely cost more money than I would normally do at that time and basically spent kind of the money that I had.
And I’ve never regretted it, but hearing about how he thinks about experiences when you’re a young adult that you really can’t have when you’re older, first, I was like that was a good thing you did, Bonnie. And second, I realized, not even realized because I knew this already, but the memories I have from those experiences, they will be with me for life.
So when I was in residency I was a resident in Southern California. Many of you probably know what Coachella is, right? It’s that music festival and it’s in Southern California. And I don’t remember how much the tickets were but they weren’t crazy expensive, or maybe they were, I can’t remember. And at Coachella they have different levels of accommodations, right?
So when you’re really broke, you basically stay in this big field and just pitch up a tent, literally. And my friend and I were like, okay, we are a little too old for that, because that’s mostly like high school and college people. And we just knew that just wouldn’t work for us, basically.
And then the second level where you could actually pay for a tent that they had, I mean this was a nicer tent, and have access to bathrooms and showers that were nicer than the pitch your own tent level. And then they have really nice accommodations. And then some people just stay off site, right?
Now, we didn’t stay off site because all those Airbnbs that do that are exceedingly expensive. And I guess we could have found one where they just piled on the people, but we didn’t do that. So anyway, that was what, three days? I can’t remember. This was a while ago, I mean, if I had to give you a year, I guess it was – God, I really can’t think of it, maybe it was 2012. I don’t know, something like that.
But that experience was amazing. I still have memories from that, I have pictures from it. And I am so glad I did that because I probably would not do Coachella anymore. And it’s not that I couldn’t, but I don’t know if I’d take the time to book a ticket to go there. There’s just other types of trips that I really want to take now. So I’m so glad I did it back then.
Now, after I finished medical school and after I finished residency, both times I took a very long trip to Europe. I think the first one was maybe five weeks, the second one was around five weeks. So basically more than a month of traveling all over Europe. And, obviously, the one where I finished medical school, I didn’t really have that much money. But I’m one of those people at the time, I still do it now but a lot less, where I had like this crazy Google spreadsheet of everything we were doing and finding out all the deals.
So these were the days of this is where you hostel around Europe, but I found the nice hostels. I think my flight was actually free on points, so I guess I was into points back then. It was on miles, I can’t remember. But I remember flying into Paris and then out of Rome, and I know at least part of it was subsidized.
Anyway, but the whole trip, if I remember correctly, was like $3,000 for five weeks in Europe. Isn’t that nuts? Now, this was more than a decade ago, so there’s some inflation there but not a whole ton. And that trip I remember I started out in Paris, we went to Southern France, Italy, Rome, Venice, Florence, Cinque Terre, Amalfi Coast. I mean, that was a pretty amazing trip, right?
And again, we stayed at hostels. I think we splurged a few times on hotels, but you can imagine for $3,000 for five weeks, I know you’re doing it on a little bit of a shoestring budget. Now, I don’t recall feeling deprived or thinking this was not good.
The only time I thought that, actually, was the hostel in Rome because that was the only hostel where we had to share it with like 10 other people and I did not like that. I remember thinking, someone’s going to steal my stuff, et cetera. I think in the other hostels, I was able to find a single room.
And then after residency, for that trip I had a little bit more money. And also I think I probably did go into a little bit of debt because I knew I was going to be an attending. So for that trip, we started out in Italy, a different part of Italy. I love Italy. I started out in the northwest area known as Piedmont, which is an area that most people will never go to because, I mean, it makes sense, if you’re going to go to Italy, you probably won’t go multiple times and you’re going to hit the hot spots, right? Rome, Venice, Florence, Positano, Amalfi Coast, et cetera.
But Piedmont you fly into Turin for that. There really are no American tourists there. In fact, I don’t think I saw one. And that’s where Barolo wine is. That’s where Alba is. That’s where the truffles are picked. And so it was an amazing time. There was food there that I had not experienced before because the food in Italy is very regional.
And I have not actually been able to find this type of pasta called pin, P-L-I-N, the way I had it there. I’ve seen it pop up on some menus, but it’s nowhere near as good as it was there. Anyway, that was a bit of a side note.
So we went there and then I went to Bologna. And then from Bologna, we went to Modena, then Croatia, we took an overnight ferry to Croatia. Then we went to Athens, Santorini and ended up in Istanbul, Turkey.
Now, I want to talk about this amazing memory I had from Bologna that I still think about and my friend and I will still talk about, okay? Especially when it comes up on our Facebook memories. So when my friend and I, we were in Modena, which is a short train ride from Bologna. Modena is where the vinegar, the famous vinegar, is made.
I had booked lunch at this restaurant. Now, I’ve always been a foodie and so I had to find the places that were really good, but also not going to be like $500 a meal, because that’s just not what I could afford back then, right?
So I found this restaurant, it’s called Hosteria Giusti G-I-U-S-T-I. I think it’s still there, because I looked it up recently. And if you look at a picture of it, it looks like an Italian deli. But in the back they have a really small dining area with just a few tables. And so my friend and I were dining there, the food was ridiculous.
While we were eating, we saw this group of men, younger guys and there was like an older guy leading them. And they clearly knew the owner because I saw them, you know, the whole group went down to the wine cellar and came back up, and then they had their lunch.
And then they started talking to us because, basically, they were shocked that there were two American girls eating lunch there. Actually, it was the older guy, his name is Emilio. He said, how did you guys know about this place? And then I told him that my careful Google research found it. And basically, he was so impressed. He’s like, I’ve never seen an American here.
Anyway, so we got to talking and then he said, we’re all going to the Ferrari Museum, which is a Modena, would you like to join us? And we said, sure. And so we went to the Ferrari Museum, and totally not my thing but it was just a fun experience. And then I found out that Emilio was actually, I don’t know what his position was, but I think he is the winemaker and owns this wine label. And I can’t remember, but his name is in it.
And then we ended up going to a dinner, like a private dinner at this restaurant in Bologna where there was all this amazing food and all of his wines. I mean, it was kind of like those weird, crazy experiences. And these are experiences you can’t plan for, right? You just have to be in the right place at the right time. And these are the things you do as a young adult.
Now, some people could be like, how did you know they were safe? I mean, that is a valid concern but, I don’t know, I guess I wasn’t worried about that. I feel like my people reader antennas are pretty high, having spent decades living in New York City. But it ended up being an amazing, amazing experience.
We have tons of pictures from it. My friend and I still talk about it. And I think I’m friends with that guy on Facebook still. Anyway, that’s just one of the many examples I have about amazing memories from when I was younger and didn’t have as much money. And I’m so glad I decided to take those trips, right? Because those are the types of trips I’m not going to be able to do right now. Like I’m not going to go to Europe for six weeks without my family.
All right, so that was a lot of information and let me just close with this. It comes down to don’t save so much that you forget to enjoy your life. And I really thought about you guys, because so many of my clients, and they range in age from mid-30s to I would say even upwards over 50, they’re so busy working. And the ones who have young kids, they’re always saying how they feel like they’re missing out on their kids’ lives. And they are. I’m not saying this to guilt them, but they are because they are working too much.
But what I hear a lot is, but I can’t because of money. And I just want to challenge that. Like is that really true? We all have different seasons and periods of our lives, and so the question that I want to pose for you is how do you want your life to look? How do you want to live it? What are experiences that you know you want to have? Or have you even thought about that?
People call this your bucket list in terms of travel, but what are the bucket life experiences that you want to have? And they don’t have to be trips. It could just simply be like, I want to be home by six o’clock to have dinner with my family every night. Or I want to be able to go to my kid’s games, or whatever it is, you want to take your kid to school. It’s going to look different for all of us, right?
Is that something you need to do now or later? The examples I just gave are going to be things you need to do now because kids grow up. How much money do you actually need for that life? What I have found is that many of my clients simply spend too much money on things that really aren’t that important.
A lot of it’s stuff. And I’m an over spender, too, so no judgment here. It’s so easy to do that, to shop, because you can shop online. And if we all had to still go out to buy things, most of us probably wouldn’t have this problem. But I think this is a good time to really think about what actually gives you joy in terms of spending your money. Stuff is nice, but it only gives you a short-term dopamine hit versus the lasting ROI of spending it on experiences.
So wherever you are right now, whatever period of life, no matter what your money situation is now, how could you do parts of that now? Because I know you can. Also this might be an opportunity for you to really realize and appreciate that you may actually have everything that you want right now. And what I mean by want, I don’t just mean things, right?
So actually, this is something I just realized really recently. And again, our brains, our brains are crazy, man. They forget that what you have is something that you wanted before. It’s so easy to be focused on the next thing.
So in terms of sort of my life goals or things that I want, I realized I actually have it. I love where I live. I live in a luxury high-rise building where I don’t really have to worry about anything. We rent, we love renting. I get to travel and I don’t need to ask anyone how to do it. I’m able to travel a lot more using credit card points. I have time freedom. And I have the money I need to live the life that I want.
Now, I would definitely welcome a bigger space. You know apartments aren’t super big, I’d love to upgrade to a bigger place. I’d love to have nicer clothes and maybe go out to some more fancy dinners. But in terms of what I actually am able to do right now, I realized I actually have it and basically how, ungrateful is not the word, but how I really haven’t spent the time appreciating that. Because when you keep thinking, “This isn’t it and I’ll feel happier when,” the arrival fallacy, then you never give time and attention to what you actually do have.
Now, I talked a bit about this on my last podcast. I think it was the one before this about gratitude. How important it is to train your brain to see and appreciate what you do have. That helps you get out of money scarcity, but it also just makes you a lot happier and fulfilled, right?
Because if you keep thinking, “I don’t have this, I don’t have this,” and forget that you have so many things that you wanted already, and maybe the things you want are just going to add to your life, but that your life is already full, you’re just always going to live in the future and not the moment.
The final thing I want to say is I am still figuring out how these concepts and, again, paradigm shifts, how it’s going to affect how I think about money. Like my money, but then also what I want to teach to my clients because there’s a balance, right? Because you don’t want to save too much for the future, you don’t want to die with $10 million. But then you also don’t want to run out of money, right? So what’s the balance?
So my guess is it’s not going to be some nice, neat formula. Sorry. My guess is that it’s going to be a part plan, because obviously you want to have an investing plan, but also reevaluating your life at probably at least annual intervals. So stay tuned. All right, I will talk to you next week.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
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For all other inquiries please click here.
189: Why You Need a Daily Gratitude Practice
How many of you take the time to intentionally be grateful for something every single day?
A daily gratitude practice has been proven to not only improve your general well-being and overall happiness, but can also open your mind up to new possibilities. Gratitude is about so much more than just giving thanks, and I’m showing you why this week.
Join me on this episode to learn how important a daily gratitude practice is, why it’s a quieter emotion that tends to be harder to feel, and how to let it rise up in your body and take shape in the form of creating more of what you want.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- Why practicing gratitude daily is important.
- What happens when you take the time to intentionally channel gratitude.
- The value of giving air time to what could be possible for you.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hey, everyone, this is going to be super short and sweet because I hope you’re busy celebrating with your families, whether they’re your biological or your chosen ones, or maybe some close friends.
So we haven’t had much childcare this week and next. I’m recording this on a Saturday, the Saturday before Thanksgiving, actually. My son’s school had parent teacher conferences. This was kind of the first one, he’s in kindergarten. And then next week, he’s off starting Wednesday. So it’s been challenging for me to get work done, but I wanted to make sure I recorded something for you.
So it’s Thanksgiving and so, well, it’s about giving thanks. Although the origins of it, I know, are not great. But now it’s become a time when people come together and eat a lot of food, Turkey, et cetera. We’re actually hosting it for my family this time. I’m going to make the turkey, or maybe Matt will.
FYI, unless you have one of those deep fryer turkeys, which I really want to try but we just haven’t had a chance to experience that. I think the secret to a really, really juicy breast, because you know it tends to dry out and just be gross, is to just roast it upside down. It’s so simple, you literally just roast it upside down because all the juices from the thighs and the fatty things drip down and keep the turkey really moist.
The only bad thing about doing this is that it doesn’t look as nice. You could just flip it over and brown it, et cetera. But who cares? You’re going to cut it up anyway, okay? So that’s my little Thanksgiving tip.
All right, so really all I wanted to say today is how important a gratitude practice is. And it has been proven that it improves wellbeing, happiness, et cetera. But it’s not just you should give thanks every day or et cetera, but it’s really taking the time and feeling in your body what you have now, what you can appreciate. Jack, do you want to say hello real quick?
Jack: Hello.
Bonnie: Do you want to say what you’re grateful for today?
Jack: Who is that?
Bonnie: No, what you’re grateful for. Do you want to say thank you about something?
Jack: Who is it?
Bonnie: Oh, I’m just talking to my friends.
Jack: Hi.
Bonnie: Do you want to say something you’re grateful for?
Jack: Hey, why are they not talking?
Bonnie: Because I’m just talking to them. They can hear us.
Jack: Why?
Bonnie: Do you want to just tell them real quick, what you’re thankful for?
Jack: To go to the bagel store. Yay!
Bonnie: Okay, how many of you take the actual time to be grateful for something? Something specific. It could be one thing, it could be three things. And the reason why it’s so important, well, there are many reasons. But the reason in terms of the context of what I teach about coaching is that it shows your brain what you do have.
Our brain defaults to what’s wrong, what’s missing, just commenting all day long about what we don’t have, what’s not working and simply, it’s scarcity thinking, right? It’s like I don’t have enough of this, I don’t have enough time, I don’t have enough money. And that is like the default. And that’s normal. So if this is you, nothing is wrong. This is just literally how our brains are designed out of the box.
But with a daily gratitude practice, and I don’t just mean like, I’m so grateful, I don’t know, for my morning coffee. And there’s nothing wrong with being grateful for that, by the way. But many of us just go through the motions and we’ll maybe say one thing or two things. But you really want to spend some time, and I’m not even talking a lot of time, okay? This could be 10 seconds, 30 seconds, really sinking into that feeling of gratitude where you can really feel the sensations of it in your body.
And one thing I’ll say is that for most of us, the feeling of grateful is what I call one of the quieter or softer emotions. I’ve seen this emotion volume chart where it’s four quadrants. And so basically two are positive, two are negative. And then there’s low volume and high volume emotions, right?
So feeling angry, feeling scared, those are, A, negative emotions and, B, pretty loud, right? It’s really obvious that you feel that way, it kind of takes over your body, right? And my experience is that a lot of the positive emotions are actually pretty quiet. Things like joy, things like feeling grateful. And so it’s so easy to not feel them.
And when I say feel them, I mean feeling them in your body. Feeling all the sensations associated with it. And you kind of have to be still and quiet in order to actually feel them rising up in your body. It’s going to feel different for everyone, okay? Maybe it’s a warmth in your chest area or just a feeling of lightness overall.
And so this type of practice shows your brain what you do have, what’s going right. And you can even turn these into questions, right? A lot of us when we’re trying to do something new, we’re so worried about it not working out, right? This is how many of us are scared of taking risks in terms of money, or really anything you’re doing in life.
And so first, it’s normal to be scared. That’s how our brains are designed. But the problem is, most of us just go into it, “What if this doesn’t work out? I’m scared. Something bad might happen.” But we don’t spend any time in the opposite. “What if this could work? What do I know about this? What skills do I already have? What do I believe about this right now?”
And honestly, this is part of practicing new thoughts, looking for evidence of what you do have. This is how I kind of think about gratitude. I feel like level one is saying thanks for XYZ, really appreciating what you have. And that’s really important. But I think level two is what I’ve just described, really spending time looking and feeling what you do have, and then also spending time really visualizing and feeling that what you want is possible. What if it could work? Why not?
And so that’s all I wanted to say on this really short podcast for Thanksgiving. Also, I’m pretty sure that’s the first time you heard Jack. I decided if he’s going to come into my podcast recording, he may as well say something. We are about to go to the bagel store, he’s been begging for it all morning, so that’s what he’s grateful for.
All right, happy, happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are having an amazing time. I hope you’re getting some rest. And I will talk to you next week.
Hey there, thanks so much for tuning in. If you loved what you heard, be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re listening to this on Apple Podcasts, I’d love for you to leave a review. Reviews tell Apple that this podcast is, well, awesome. And it will help women find this podcast so that they too can live a wealthy life. And finally, you can learn more about me and what I do at wealthymommd.com. See you next week.
Get started on your journey to wealth by getting my FREE book- Defining Wealth for Women.
For media or speaking inquiries please click here.
For all other inquiries please click here.
188: Black Friday Is Here: Get 15x Credit Card Points
We all love a bargain, and Black Friday is just around the corner, so this is the perfect time to revisit the topic of credit card points, specifically how to 15X your points from the money you’ll spend in the Black Friday sales. You still have a couple of weeks, so now is the time to put what I’m sharing into practice.
Rakuten is famous for the cash-back opportunities they provide. However, around Black Friday, Rakuten carries some amazing opportunities to earn credit card points on purchases you’d be making anyway. If you’re ready to earn up to 15X credit card points in the Black Friday sales, today’s episode is here to show you exactly how to do it.
Tune in this week to discover how to 15X your credit card points this Black Friday. I’m sharing a super simple way to maximize your credit card rewards points while picking up some amazing deals in the process over the Holidays.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- How credit card points have changed the way I approach purchases.
- Some of the bonuses on offer from Rakuten this Black Friday.
- Some tips to avoid making unnecessary purchases.
- How you can earn up to 15X points using Rakuten.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
- 137: 10X Your Credit Card Points on Black Friday
- My Rakuten Link (Disclosure: I will get a commission if you use my link)
- Chase Freedom Flex
- Chase Sapphire
Welcome to The Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Welcome to another episode. So I am going to play for you an episode I did last year but the timing didn’t quite work out because it was about Black Friday shopping and how to maximize earning credit card points. And I think it came out literally the week of Thanksgiving which really didn’t give you guys time to listen to it because I know not everyone listens the week an episode comes out.
So I did a little bit better planning this year and so this episode, obviously, is really talking about how to maximize credit card points and some other things that you may not be aware of. Now, the good news is nothing has really changed, it’s kind of the same method, so to speak. But it really comes down to stacking and just taking advantage of the amazing bonuses and point multipliers that are available Black Friday week as well as Cyber Monday.
It can be 10X, 20X, et cetera for categories that traditionally are maybe 3 to 5X. So what I recommend is to start making a list, I’m sure you probably have already, of the things that you want to purchase. Now this could include gifts, but I think this is also a great opportunity to make a list of things you may want to stock up on, like things you know you’re going to use for sure. And not only are there sales, obviously, but again, point multipliers and other great things.
So one example I do want to give that is sort of timely for 2023 specifically is that if you have the Chase Freedom Flex card, now that’s the card that has to be linked to a Sapphire card to get points, otherwise it simply acts as a 5% cash back card, but if it is paired with a Sapphire you get 5X points. Now, Flex has rotating categories every quarter, but this quarter it’s PayPal. And you can use PayPal to pay for many online purchases.
Now, it is limited to up to $1500 of shopping so you want to loosely keep track of that, otherwise you’re just going to get one point. But this is the power of stacking, right? So if you find something through Rakuten or a portal like United or Chase, let’s say you find Lululemon that has a 10X multiplier through Rakuten. And then you could use your PayPal using the Chase Freedom Flex and then you actually get 15X.
So this is what I mean and that’s a great example of how powerful it can be to do some planning for Christmas shopping, holiday shopping and also for staples.
And with regard to shopping, because I know pretty much all of us tend to spend more money this time of the year, one thing I do want to say about that is this is something you can plan for in terms of your budget. And if you haven’t specifically done that, I really recommend setting an actual amount of money that you want to spend. It’s just so easy to go a little crazy, I’m talking from firsthand experience here, especially when you see so many good deals. You’re like, oh, but it’s on sale, et cetera.
So I really encourage you to be intentional about it and what helps, obviously, for sure is having a shopping list. We all know that you should not go to the grocery store hungry because you’ll just buy a lot of extra stuff, and this is sort of the same thing.
So that’s what I would recommend, get as many credit card points as possible to fund future travels.
Hey, everyone, I believe this is coming out Thanksgiving. And I want to apologize in advance because I should have recorded this episode topic, it’s going to be short and sweet, probably a few weeks ago to get you started. But I know some of you do listen to the podcast the day it comes out, thank you so much. So I wanted to make sure that you heard this before you start shopping, basically.
But before I tell you my top tips for maximizing all the sales that are going to be happening this weekend and through early next week with Cyber Monday, I wanted to thank all of you who attended the Make Your 2023 Money Plan workshop. I’ve gotten so much amazing feedback about it. And right now inside of Live Wealthy, I’m working closely with the members to really help them shape up their plan.
And if there’s one thing that I can reiterate, whether or not you went or not, is that it is so, so important to have a clear and specific money goal. And here’s what I mean by clear and specific, I actually was just coaching a few of the members yesterday on our weekly coaching call and the first person I coached started talking about how she really wants to get started in real estate and start her next income stream.
That sounds like a goal. It is a goal, it’s just not clear and specific. What we did is we actually talked about two goals. One is her sort of overarching goal in the future. And I believe she said in five years, I can’t remember the exact timeframe, it doesn’t really matter, but her goal is to create $200,000 of non clinical income in five years. If you’re not a doctor, just think of income that’s not related to your current job, non W2 income. That is her goal.
And so then we decided, or rather she decided, okay, what is the 2023 version of that? And she chose, I think, again the numbers don’t matter specifically, $20,000 of non clinical income in 2023, basically by 12/31, right?
And so that is a clear and specific money goal, because when she talked about real estate, that is just a possible way to get there. Because I asked her like, hey, in three, or whatever the goal is, in five years, like do you really care about the specifics? Meaning do you care if it ends up being real estate or a business? There are just so many possibilities. And obviously, the answer is no.
But now that we have that 2023 goal, now she can think about, okay, what are the ways I can create this? In fact, I would say pretty much that’s everyone’s goal, is to create a certain amount of income a year that’s not based on your current job because, ultimately, you want to create what I call a very solid wealth table.
I want you to think about wealth as a table, and tables have legs. And the more legs you have, the more stable your wealth is. Because for most of us, our only real stream of income is our current job. And ultimately, that is setting you up for failure because you can lose your job. There are no guarantees, even if you have a “stable” job.
Most of the women in my program are physicians, we have pretty much always believed it is a stable source of great income. And even before the pandemic, that belief has been shaking. And when the pandemic did happen, many physicians, some did lose their jobs, but many of them “got furloughed” and ended up being paid a lot less.
And I think that really showed a lot of people, not just physicians, that really, you can’t count on a job. And if you really think about it, even without all the specifics and specific circumstances surrounding this, ultimately, you’re not in control of whether you get to keep a job or not, because you are not the business owner. It’s pretty plain and simple. And so knowing that, really, you need to work on your other legs.
And so, ultimately, that translates into income coming in that’s not related to the job that you currently have. And anyone can do this. And the first thing you need to do is get really specific, and then start mapping out the way to get there.
Now, what I want to say real quick is that everyone gets stuck in the how. Well, how am I going to do that? And actually, that’s a great question. How are you going to do that? And even asking yourself that question is going to start getting those creative juices flowing because what I have found is in all of our current jobs, we’re kind of in this position, this framework where we don’t have creativity. You’re just kind of showing up doing your job.
You might have a fantastic job that you love, where you are able to be creative, but it’s all in the confines of your current job. And I think so many of us have forgotten that we do have the skill to create beyond what we’re thinking and doing right now.
Anyway, I can go on and on about this, but I’m just super excited for the ladies in the program who are creating goals. Goals that make them a little uncomfortable, but goals that also really excite them about it happening. Because you have to decide that you’re going for something in order for it to happen. I mean, that just makes sense, right? Like, unless you’re sitting around waiting for the lottery to happen or for some inheritance to come into your lap.
Most of us won’t have that happen. And so for those of us who don’t, including me, we have to make goals. And the point of goals is not to actually achieve it. Goals and a deadline guide your decisions.
You will make different decisions based on the goals you have and based on the timeframe because if you just pick a goal, like, oh, I want to make $100,000 a year non-clinical income in 20 years, you just may not do anything about it in 2023 because it’s so far away. But when you create an annual “deadline,” literally, then you’re going to get your butt in gear because you have to start making decisions and doing things.
And one thing I always tell my clients is like, okay, let’s say I have a goal of $20,000 of this type of income in 2023. Do you really care if it takes 18 months instead of 12? I don’t think so.
Okay, here is my quickie for today’s episode. I know a lot of you are waiting for all the deals for Black Friday because, let’s just face it, some of the best deals in the year are during the next few days. And I just want to tell you about this app called Rakuten, R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Some of you are probably familiar with it as the cashback shopping portal.
Basically you go there and there are deals. Like actually I’m looking at it right now and today there is what they call early Black Friday deals where you get 10% cashback. Sounds amazing, right? But what you may not know is that you can actually decide not to get the cashback. And instead, to get credit card points instead. Specifically American Express points, I call them Amex points.
So instead of 10% cashback, you’re getting 10x points. And this is how folks like me are able to accumulate so many points. We do spend probably more money than most people because we are high-income earners, and we try really hard to never get just one point per dollar spent.
So you can imagine if you’re getting multiples like 10x, and sometimes the deals during Black Friday are like 15, 20, even higher, you can see how quickly you can accumulate credit card points. And so this is one of the ways to do it, there are actually other ways to maximize credit card points.
So if you own a Chase card, sometimes they will have deals where you can get extra points specifically for those what we call points currency. But I’m going to focus on Rakuten because it’s simple. So you want to go to rakuten.com and sign up for an account. I do have a referral link where we will both get some money, specifically $40 or 400 points. I think that’s the right math, don’t quote me on that. And then you can get started.
But here’s what’s really fun. So right now I’m looking at Saks Fifth Avenue. So if I click on there and purchase something, let’s just say just for the purposes of math it’s $100. And I will get 10x. American Express points for that, so that’s 1000 points. But it gets even better because let’s say – It doesn’t matter which card you pay with, by the way.
So then I can pay with a credit card that also gets points. And right now I happen to have a card, it’s the Chase Freedom Unlimited, where I’m actually getting 3x points, no matter what the purchase is. So when I purchased this $100 thing on Saks Fifth Avenue, I’m going to get 10x Amex points, 1,000 points, and I’m going to get 3x Chase points or 300 points. So basically, I’ve gotten 1300 points for a $100 purchase.
So basically, you can see how this is a really powerful way to rack up points quickly. And around this time, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, the bonus points are very plentiful. Now, it’s really easy to be like, well, it might go higher, like right now it’s 10x. I personally would not wait.
For example, I’m going to buy some things today because Carter’s is 10x, that’s where I buy a lot of the clothes for Jack. He is in need of some clothes, he’s growing. That’s what’s annoying about kids, right, they grow so fast and you’ve got to keep buying clothes. And so I’m going to buy some clothes. It’s possible that there might be a higher multiple during Black Friday.
There is a way to kind of see the history of how many bonus points they’ve given, and it’s not a guarantee. So you have to have a specific American Express card to take advantage of this, and the two eligible cards are the Platinum card or the Gold card. And so you need basically one of these two cards to link.
And so if you don’t have one of these cards, you are not eligible to get American Express points from Rakuten. I’m sorry I got this episode out so late, I should have really done it at the beginning of November to get you guys prepped because then you’d have enough time to get the card.
I don’t believe you can use the electronic version because these days when you do get a new credit card you can often start using it right away by linking it to your Apple Pay on your iPhones. I believe that that will not work, but don’t quote me on that.
Meaning that you can’t use Apple Pay if, let’s just say Saks Fifth Avenue does accept Apple Pay, I don’t know if they do to be honest, then you’re not going to be able to get the American Express points until you get the physical card. But for those of you who do have one of these cards, I would definitely link it immediately on Rakuten so you can start to really maximize your credit card points.
Okay, that’s what I have for you today. I will talk to you guys next week.
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187: How to Get Clear on Your Values with Dr. Hala Sabry
The term “values” gets thrown around frequently in the coaching industry, but what does it really mean? How do we identify our values in the first place? And how can we use our values as a personal compass for making our most aligned decisions?
To dive into the topic of values this week, I’m speaking with the founder of the 1% Women’s Club and Physician Moms Group, Dr. Hala Sabry. Dr. Hala is a life and career coach for successful women who are in the top 1% of earners, and she’s an expert when it comes to values work. After years of trying to find the right answers, she’s found conviction in identifying her own values, and she’s here to help you do the same.
Join us on this episode to discover why investigating your personal values is a worthwhile investment of your time and how we often mistake our priorities for values. Dr. Hala is offering her thoughts on the ultimate goal of getting clear on your values, how integration is the missing piece in values work, and a simple exercise for clarifying your own.
Learn more about Money for Women Physicians, an exclusive money coaching program to get your money and mindset working for you.
What You'll Learn from this Episode:
- Dr. Hala’s interpretation of what values mean.
- The difference between your priorities and your values.
- Why the way you commit to your values can be infectious.
- The importance of getting clear on your values.
- What happens when you operate from a place of overwhelm and lack.
- How to use and integrate values in your decision-making process.
- Dr. Hala’s exercise for clarifying and integrating your values.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Follow me on Instagram
- Dr. Hala Sabry: Website | Facebook | Instagram
- Grab Dr. Hala’s free values workbook here!
- If Disney Ran Your Hospital by Fred Lee
- First Things First: To Live, to Love, to Learn, to Leave a Legacy by Stephen Covey
Welcome to the Wealthy Mom MD Podcast, a podcast for women physicians who want to learn how to live a wealthy life. In this podcast you will learn how to make money work for you, how you can have more of it, and learn the tools to empower you to live a life on purpose. Get ready to up-level your money and your life. I’m your host, Dr. Bonnie Koo.
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode. So living in the northeast, the weather is so crazy. Over the weekend, I think it was Saturday, it was literally like 75 degrees, almost 80 and sunny. And then like two days later, actually three days later I woke up and it was like 40 degrees in the morning. Like it just doesn’t make sense. I don’t understand.
Anyway, but we are in the season where the weather is just so up and down you don’t know what’s going to happen. Although everything I’ve been reading or what Google News has been telling me is that this is going to be a really bad winter for the northeast. It was so mild last year we couldn’t even go snow sledding even once. I like snow, but not so much that it’s going to create very dangerous driving situations.
So today I have Dr. Hala Sabry on the show. And many of you who are physicians listening right now probably have heard her name. She is the founder of the Physician Mom Group or PMG, which has, I don’t know, 80,000 members or so. And she really is the one, well besides being the creator, but I think she is the one who really started communities of women physicians because now there are so many, I want to say off-shoots, but they’re not part of the official PMG of just anything you can think of, right?
So there’s local groups, right? There’s a group where I live. There’s a group on knitting, there’s a group on cooking. I’m in a lot of these groups. There’s a group on stay-at-home moms, there’s a group on kids with ADHD. So it’s like every topic, and the community is female physicians.
And I think when you meet another woman physician there’s just an immediate rapport, like an immediate knowing like, oh, you understand what I’m – Not necessarily what you’re going through right now, but just in terms of our life, how hard we’ve worked et cetera. So it’s like this instant, I don’t want to say instant friend, but it’s like you just feel safe and almost seen by them. So I think these communities are really special.
So one of the reasons why I’m having Hala on, besides just having her on because I love to have my friends on because they’re all amazing, is she has a coaching program called The 1% Club. And I think even before that started she was doing a lot of values work. Meaning like teaching values, how to find your own values. And I remember thinking like, okay, that’s nice.
But then I actually downloaded her worksheet, although I can’t find it now. And I learned so much about myself. And so that’s what we’re talking about today because a lot of us, we hear the word values and it’s like, well, what does that actually mean? And so we’re going to talk about that, what most people think it means, how she defines it and why it’s so important. I want you to think of it as like a personal compass.
And in terms of how this relates to money and living wealthy, I think it’s just going to help you even verbalize like, well, what do I want? Because I think it’s really easy to verbalize what you don’t want or what you want to stop doing, right? So it’s like common things are like I’d love to work less. Maybe work three or four days a week, and not the five or six I’m doing now. I’d love to travel more. Understanding your values is going to be so helpful in that.
So I think you’re going to really enjoy this conversation, and obviously, if you want to take this work further, you want to check out her website, drhalasabry.com, and she does have this free values workbook that helps you start getting clear on what those are.
All right, onto the show.
Bonnie: All right, Hala, I’m so excited that you’re here.
Hala: I feel like we’ve been talking about doing a podcast together for a long time, it just never happens.
Bonnie: I know, sometimes I’m just like, what, I haven’t had you on the podcast yet? So it’s so bizarre. Anyway, why don’t you introduce yourself to everyone?
Hala: Yeah, my name is Hala. I am a physician, I’m an emergency medicine physician. I’m a mom to five kids. And you probably know me, if you’ve heard my voice before, as the founder of Physician Moms Group, or I also coach in a coaching group called The 1% Women’s Club that I created to help women maintain their success in all the ways that is going to help them become more successful, which is not exactly how we created the success from overwhelm and a little bit of hustle.
I deprogram women, so that way they can actually accept that 1% earning identity and start carrying themselves in that way at work and in the rest of their life. And so it’s been really fun. And I’ve been on this journey with you actually, Bonnie, and so it’s been really fun to have a friendship with you and to text back and forth and really kind of pave our own way in helping women have independence, not only in their life, but with their money. And it’s been a ride, so thanks for having me on here.
Bonnie: Yeah, no, it’s been – I was actually just thinking about that. I was like, when did we first connect? Do you remember? I don’t remember.
Hala: I think we’ve always known people and there’s always been this like peripheral connection. But you and I did a feminist coaching certification together, and I think that’s when our relationship actually started. That’s the first time I actually had your phone number and we started texting back and forth and I’m like, oh my gosh, I think I’m friends with Bonnie.
Bonnie: I think I felt the same way too. Yeah, I knew we were, I know, we definitely connected more during that mastermind. And I know we both learned so much and I know it totally added so much value and just knowledge to help our clients, right? Because just learning about the socialization of women, it’s stuff I knew but it wasn’t at the forefront. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.
Anyway, the reason why I wanted to have you on today, I’m sure we’ll talk about a lot of things, but I know you teach values. And I think you have a freebie on that as well.
Hala: Yeah.
Bonnie: So we’ll definitely link that in the show notes and you can say what it is at the end. And I feel like the word values is just thrown around a lot. But it’s like, what are they exactly? So I thought it would be really interesting for everyone listening because I think it’s really important to, A, know what they are, like really get clear. And then I’m sure you have a way to teach it, like using it as a compass or something. So I’ll just let you give your spiel and we’ll go from there.
Hala: Yeah. I mean, everybody kind of has an idea of what values are. So even as I’m talking, I want you to think about your definition because there isn’t just one definition. So I’m going to offer what I interpret values, but I want you as you’re listening just to think about what your values are. If somebody asked you right now, what are your values, I want you just to think of the top two or three. And if you need more time, pause this podcast right now and I want you just to answer.
And so when I started kind of having – Actually, you know what’s so funny? I actually had your phone number way before I just claimed I did because I remember texting you. And this was maybe about five years ago. And I don’t remember how I got your phone number or why, but anyways I texted you and I was like, I think I’m going through an identity crisis. And you were confused because I was confused, and so nothing happened on that text message.
But I think what I was not understanding and what I went to the next moment was like, what are my values? And I started reading more about values. And I think that’s when I started discovering what values were. So if you asked me that question, what are your values, at that time I would have said, my family, my health and my career. That’s what I would have told you. And if you answered one of those three things, I’m going to say you’re exactly where I started. Nothing is wrong with that, but those are not values, first and foremost.
So what are values? Values are the ideals in which you make your decisions. It’s how we make decisions, okay? And we all have values, even though you may not be able to verbalize them. But those are not values, our health, our money, our career, our spirituality, our romantic relationships, even if that’s just intimacy with ourselves and loving ourselves, and then our relationships with our friends, family and community.
Those six avenues of our life or the way that we express our values. And we may prioritize where we express our values, which is what I think most people do, like me, right? Like, I was like, oh, family, my health and my career, which are three of the six.
Bonnie: I think those are what people prioritize, but not values. Yeah, exactly.
Hala: Yeah, but those are not values, okay? Those are like where you’re making your decisions, not how you’re making decisions. And so I had to kind of go back to that drawing board. And I went, and just like any high-functioning woman, I went and I bought books on Amazon. And I have probably 20 books about values, and I will tell you that all they did was give you many different definitions.
I’m giving you my definition today, but what all those books lacked is learning how to, not only just identify your values, which my values now I can stand strong and say it is knowledge, love, inspiration and innovation. Like I can tell you that with conviction. But yeah, from the 20 books I read, I could figure out what my values were, but then nobody actually taught you how to actually use your values. Like okay, now what? Okay, now you have this.
And then what I remember one day is I was thinking about this a lot, you guys. Like it was living rent-free in my head. And I remember I was getting coffee at the hospital and I was walking in the lobby. And at that time, the hospital I was working at, they had all of their values framed in the lobby. And clearly it was like a downtime, this is before Covid.
And so I was walking and it was like service, and it was like all these other things, right? And I remember reading the text under it. And I was just like, I call BS. I could tell you how many ways our hospital is not honoring that, is not honoring this, whatever it may be. And so I started being more curious for myself. Well, if I think innovation, knowledge, inspiration and love are my values, or how am I expressing them in my life, right? And so I had to ask myself that.
So it was a lot of self-discovery. And then how does that pertain to all aspects of my life? Not only my family, my health, my career, but all of the other ways that I mentioned earlier on the podcast. And so, as I started figuring that out and developing strategies for myself, I started teaching it.
And what I didn’t realize is I already knew the answers. And how I knew the answers is from my first job I ever had in my life, which is working at Disney. And Disney actually functions on a values-based practice, which they call their five keys. And I worked there for eight years, it was my first job. So impressionable, your first job. You learn all your good habits, all your bad habits there, right?
And I think I didn’t realize, like I already knew the answers. And so I started applying the Disney way to my life as if my life was a business. And then everything became easier. My decisions became easier to make. My decisions were stronger. I had less regret. I was not resentful. And I just created more success.
And I was able to maintain the success I had without overwhelm. I started understanding where I was hustling, why I was doing that. And then I can, you know, it’s almost like peeling the layers of an onion. And I was like, oh, I’m going to work on this now. Or I’m going to work on this now. I’m going to work on this now.
And so it’s been really fun. And the way that other people have noticed, it is just me being really unapologetic. Me showing up. Me being me. Me helping people from a place of abundance, like not holding back. I give away a lot of stuff for free, including, as you mentioned, my freebie on my website. And it allows people to better their lives, whether or not they’re working with me. But when they do work with me, they just go way deeper and it’s just really, really fun.
So yeah, so that’s what it is. It’s how we make decisions. And then I teach you how that shows up in real life. It’s not just like the concept, but how to actually integrate it, which I think is what coaching is. I think we can consume, like you’re consuming on this podcast. But when you work with a coach directly, like say with Bonnie or with myself, then you actually integrate what you’re learning.
So, like Bonnie has this amazing course on money, and you can learn everything about money. But how are you going to put it into action, right? And there’s a lot of thoughts and feelings that get in the way of putting it into action. And so I think that’s the value of coaching. And so when you do the work yourself, you become an even more successful coach.
Bonnie: Yeah, as you were talking I was like, I know I downloaded that freebie and I know I started it. And I’m pretty sure I got to a short list. I don’t know if I got down to like three or four because I remember you saying it can’t be a list of 10 because you’re not going to remember it. And I literally, I’m going to have to rummage and find it. I have so many papers lying around. But I remember doing it. And, of course, I can’t tell you off the top of my head what they are.
Hala: Yeah, and that’s usually where people are at. And you know, it’s funny because when you start to, what I find with my clients is that they’ll do the freebie, okay? And they may put it away, they may bring it back out, right? So they pick one and what happens, what I find – and this is what I learned in that mastermind that you and I were doing together – is that these women tend to pick things that they think they should pick. Like their definition of what a good woman is, they will pick those things first.
And so then, usually when I’m working with them, I have to deconstruct, like I really ask them, why did you pick that? Let’s talk about that. Where did you get that idea? Where’s that belief that that’s what you are? Show me how you are now in that situation? Do you like situations like that when you show up like that?
And what I find is usually a couple of the things that they pick tend to get changed a little bit. That’s like a lot of people pleasing to society. Like, if I do this, then I’m going to be liked more. Or if I do this, I’m going to have more success. Rather than, hey, this is who I really am authentically. This is what I love about myself.
And so there’s a process. I think it’s picking your values, really understanding why you pick them. And then learning, now that we’ve really got to the root of it, and obviously we can always upgrade these values and things like that. We can always change them. It’s not like just because you pick three or four, you’re stuck with that for the rest of your life, right? But I tend to pick the ones that I am still actively working on, that I don’t question some of my decisions from and things like that. But anyways, so then you actually learn how to integrate it.
Bonnie: Can I just pause you for a second? I just want to make sure I understand and make sure it’s clear to people listening.
Hala: Yeah.
Bonnie: So one thing I’ll just say about getting to know you is I definitely feel like in the last, I don’t know, year, that you’re being really true to yourself. And I’m assuming that has to do with you really understanding your values and now you’re expressing it into the world. I feel like, I mean, you were never inauthentic, but I just feel like we’re really seeing, or at least I’m really seeing that, Hala, you seem so grounded in what you’re doing et cetera.
So are the values, like if I do the exercise, are they a reflection of what my current values are? And then, obviously, we can change them in terms of the values that we want? I guess I’m just trying to understand exactly.
Hala: No, so I think it’s really who you are. And sometimes that’s who you want to be and you are a little bit of that right now, right? Like for example, I picked love, okay? If you asked me back then, okay, tell me how love plays into your life. And I’m like, oh my gosh, I love my kids, you guys. I have five kids and I love my family, I love my in-laws. I know a lot of people don’t have those thoughts, but I really love my in-laws.
They’re here actually right now, and that’s why they are top of my mind. I wish they would live with me, but they don’t want to live with us because I don’t think their retirement plans had to do with living with more kids. But I had a lot of people on that list, but you know who wasn’t on that list was me. I didn’t love myself. I had a lot of body image issues and a lot of self-doubt, a lot of self-esteem issues that I was having.
And no matter how big you are, like I know I created a really big public presence, but you have to remember that you can still have your thoughts about yourself that are different than what other people think about you. And so that’s, I think, what you started seeing, Bonnie, and what other people around me started seeing. Is that when I started loving myself more, I started showing up differently.
And that’s why I keep it as part of my values, right? So yes, to answer your question, I think love was part of who I was, but it just wasn’t being directed in all parts of my life, right? And so I just wanted more of that. And, for me, I think that there’s a big return on investment with that. Obviously there’s no going wrong with loving yourself. But, for me, I feel like I was loving my kids so much that if I love myself more, it’s actually modeling behavior for them that they will already know it. They’ll be able to model it when they’re older.
And I’ll give you an example. My child, she wanted a dog. And I did not have the desire to have a dog, but she was really on it. And my husband, he was in breaking. And I kept telling her – The real reason was I don’t want to take care of another thing. I have five kids, I do not want to take care of another living thing.
And so but instead of saying that I was like, I was telling my daughter, I was like who’s going to take care of the dog? And she’s like me, right? We’ve all been there, right? And what ends up happening? Your parent takes care of the dog or you take care of the dog, right, if you’re the parent. And so I said, well, okay, let’s talk about this. Because at the end of day, I know I’m going to take care of the dog, okay? And if you heard any barking in the background, that’s the dog. She’s making her appearance.
Bonnie: So you got the dog, obviously.
Hala: Yes, we got the dog. Spoiler alert, the dog is here. But I told her, I was like, you need to take care of the dog. She’s like, I will. And I was like, well, let’s talk about this, how do you take care of yourself first? You cannot take care of anybody else unless you take care of yourself first. And so we started talking about, like, what does that mean? What does it mean to take care of your body, your hair, your mind, your teeth, your this, your that, right?
We went through all of those things. So she gave me all these answers. So I was like, okay, listen, the dog needs to go out to the bathroom in the morning. She was like, okay. I’m like I’m going to do it, unless you take care of yourself first. And so she’s like, okay.
And what’s interesting is over time that became part of her internal dialogue with herself, okay? And now when she’s giving advice to her sisters, right, like the sisters will be like, I want to take the dog out, right? Because sometimes they get a little jealous of each other. And she’s like, oh my God, it’s a dog. But then she’s like, well, did you take care of yourself first? And so she kind of repeats, like she parrots what I’m saying to her.
And I know that she doesn’t understand the words right now. She’s 10, so I know she doesn’t understand that. But this will click when she’s like 20 or 30. Like all the things that we had to unlearn when we were 20 and 30, she will already have those skills. Like, oh, that’s what my mom was talking about, right?
Bonnie: Yeah.
Hala: Don’t pour from an empty cup, right? Like, that’s what she was talking about. And so that’s how love, I mean, there’s so many ways love shows up in my life, but that’s the return on investment where it helps everybody around me, right? Or even you noticing it, Bonnie. That helps me and you, right? It makes you interested, like what are values? Maybe I’ll download this and come back to it later, whatever it may be.
And so I feel like love is infectious. Values are infectious. The way that you’re radically committed to your values are infectious. And if you don’t believe me, look at Disney. Why is Disney so successful? And it’s because they’ve stuck to their values. Every decision they make is from their values. And their values are safety, show, courtesy, efficiency, and then diversity, or inclusion, I forget what they added. They added that just a couple years ago and I didn’t work for the company at the time.
But notice how I have not worked for the company since 2003 and I’m able to name them. And the order I named them in is significant and it’s the order of importance of how they make their decisions. It doesn’t mean that safety, which is their first value, and inclusion, their last value, is any different as far as importance. But it’s in the level of how we make decisions. It’s an algorithm for them.
So, for example, say we wanted to move a trash can. Like say we’re setting up for a parade or something like that and we want to have a trash can. Literally, every cast member goes through this algorithm in their brain. They’re like, is it safe? And they think of all the ways it’s not safe. Is this courteous? Does this really help the user experience? Show? Is this still within the theme of what we’re trying to do here, right? Like if I move it to the other side of the walkway here, is that theming there different than the theming here, because sometimes that’s true at Disney. And then is it efficient, right?
And I think a lot of times as successful women, and this is where the hustle and overwhelm comes, is we put efficiency first. There’s a really good book on that if you want to learn more about it. It’s called If Disney Ran Your Hospital. And if most people that are reading this are doctors, I think it will hit harder.
But even if you’re not a doctor and are listening to this, you’ve been to a hospital and you probably have your complaints about a hospital. And it probably goes something like, they didn’t listen, they didn’t care, they don’t have room for me, I feel like I’m at a number, like all these things. Go back and read this book, it’s really interesting.
I teach this exact same system, but with your personal life. And so it’s really just like how to have this lasting impact, not only for yourself, but for other people around you by being more you. But what that is for you, Bonnie, and what that is for me are different things, right?
But that’s the value of coaching, right? You’re helping someone take their thoughts and their feelings and help them be more expert in their life to create the result for themselves. Whether it’s with money, whether it’s with values or whatever it is that they’re trying to make decisions with.
And so for me, it’s living a sustainable life. Like for me I was working crazy amounts and always feeling like I couldn’t catch up, I was always behind. Not like a burnout, I don’t really think I was burnt out but I was just sick of all the work it took to be successful. I was like, man, why is this so hard? I thought it would be easier right now.
And then when I leaned into my values I realized, oh, it’s really easy. It gets super easy when I stop fighting myself. It’s really easy.
Bonnie: Yeah. All right, now I’m like, I have to find this thing. I’m pretty sure I didn’t finish it. I think I got to a point and I think I was like, oh, I don’t know if I can whittle it down to three or four. I was probably at that phase.
Hala: I’ll do it with you. Look, it took me a while. It took me 20 books on Amazon. Tons of like listening, consuming stuff, right? And that’s the other thing too, I think when women, highly educated women, I think that they, and I say this a lot, they rely on their two assets, which is their brain and their wallet. And that’s exactly what I did in this situation.
I was like, I could study my way out of this because I have taken a lot of tests, I’m so smart, right? And so I would read 20 books. Eventually if I just read, if I just listen to enough podcasts the answer will come to me, right? I just don’t have the information, right? But that’s not true. I could read all this stuff. And it wasn’t coming to me.
And then as far as our finances being the other asset we have, I would outsource everything. I was like, oh, I know I’m just overwhelmed, I just need a vacation. Let me just go buy that. Or, oh, I just need more help with my nanny. At one point I had three nannies, right? But at some point, when you’re outsourcing from a place of overwhelm and lack, you will never have control over your life, right?
And so for me, it was no wonder that it took me a long time. And so even if you’re doing this values exercise and you’re finding that hard or you’re finding that you’re doing the same type of behavior, where you’re listening to this podcast and then another podcast and then reading a book and you just really think you just need the right information to be in front of you, like that is your time to hire a coach, whether it’s Bonnie, me or whatever.
Whoever you connect with, like this is the time to learn how to integrate it. You have been studying your whole life. You don’t need any more tools. You don’t need any more courses. You just need to integrate it. And I think that’s what I love about what you do, Bonnie, is that your course says literally like, here’s the information, now let’s do it, right?
And what I like about you too, is that you don’t lollygag with them where you give them such an ample amount of time where they could just turn off their brain. Like you’re holding them accountable. And I think that’s a sign of a really, really good coach, is that you want them to have the results and you’re setting up your container for them to get results.
And I think that’s another thing about coaching and ethics, especially in coaching, is like making sure that we’re setting our clients up for success. And so those are the things that I would advise any of you guys, because when I was at this point I was like, I think I should really hire a coach. And I just didn’t know where to go. And so those are the things that I would say, like know exactly what the result is that you want.
I know this is not even part of your question, but this is kind of a tangent. But know the result that you’re trying to create, and then really understand, whether it’s Bonnie, me or a third person or whatever it may be, like how is that set up for your success? Because I think that every coach really does set up programs that they believe will be successful for people who go through it, but you also know yourself more.
And coaching is meant to stretch your mind a little bit and it’s meant to be a little uncomfortable, it’s meant to go to the gym, right? Nobody goes to the gym and is like, oh my god, I had such a great workout. I was not sore tomorrow. Like that’s the sign of a good workout, right? And so it is something that takes a little bit of a stretch.
But for me it was a lot of discomfort to get through where I’m at today. But I can say that I stand with conviction about my values. I love them, I love the way that I show up. And when I’m not loving myself or the way I’m showing up, I can easily course correct and not sit there and dwell on regret or like, oh my god, I’m so stupid. I should have said this or that or whatever it may be. I just love myself through it.
Bonnie: Yeah, as you’re talking I’m actually seeing, I think I’m probably going to have you guest coach on my program because I really could see how knowing your values is going to help really get clear on their money goals. You know what I mean? When I say money goals I don’t necessarily, I mean, it is a number ultimately. But, ultimately, the reason why people have money goals is to live the lifestyle that they want, right?
And so I could see how getting clear on your values, it does help you kind of decide, well, how do I actually want to live my life? Because a lot of people I work with, they’re like they want to work less. Like, I’ll feel better. I’m just so burned out, overworked, I’m tired. But I think really understanding their values will help them make better decisions, ultimately, right?
Hala: Yeah, for sure. I think that thought, “I just need to work less,” I mean, and sometimes that is true. Sometimes we’re so overextended and that is true. But what I find often is that people will work less, this happened to my cohorts too. A lot of people go to a four day work week, that is a very common thing for my clients. And then they’re like, what do I do with this fifth day?
And then they fill it with overwhelm, right? Because that’s where their brain lives, right? That’s its thermostat, right? And they’re like, oh, I’m not overwhelmed enough, right? And you’ll see this if you haven’t done this four day workweek thing and understand where that comes from.
If you are a to-do list person you’ll see that, right? You’ll get through your to-do list, or there will always be something that’s lingering on your to-do list because you have to have that to maintain enough overwhelm and hustle to maintain the way that you actually continue working.
And so it can be a little jarring to disassociate from that identity. But I will say that when you do it, you start making better decisions. And I just hired a new financial planner, I moved on from my last one. And he made a comment at the end of our first meeting. And he was like, I just want to say it’s a joy to work with someone that really knows what they want.
Like I told him, I was like, hey, listen, I’m not going to be the kind of person that’s going to cut out coffee in the morning. I’m not going to be the kind of person that’s going to be XYZ. This is what I want my life to look like. I want this to look like this for the unforeseeable future. I have no problem working.
I love working. I will work, like not from a place of hustle, not from a place of overwhelm, but I will work. But I just need to figure out like these are my money goals. And they were very specific. And he was like, honestly, let’s just cut to the chase. He’s like, most of my call is coaching people on that for the first like 30 minutes, right? Like really trying to get through the mind drama and the shame and all this other stuff that they bring to these calls.
So, for me, I just feel like that means I’m going to be making money faster. Because the less drama I have about working within my goals with my financial planner, then that money is going to grow faster than kicking the can down the road for five more years and being like, oh yeah, what was I doing?
And then I see what a lot of people do, I don’t know if you see this in your container too, Bonnie. But I have some clients that are like, then they become resentful. I should have done this 10 years ago. Or regretful, you know, I can’t believe that other physicians are doing this at a younger age. I wish that was for me. I wish I would have done it. Instead of like, you know, telling myself I didn’t have enough money or I didn’t have enough time or whatever it may be.
Bonnie: Yeah.
Hala: And so yeah, I’ll say I love working, I’m not a burnt out person. I love everything, I love my life. And I’m so glad that I can say this now. And I never said the opposite of it years ago, but I would say it like tired. I would say it like I wanted to believe it. But now it’s a little different, I really live it. It’s not that I just want to believe it or I tell myself, but I really live it.
Bonnie: Yeah. I’m actually glad you said I love working because I feel like there’s a lot of messaging out there to work a lot less. And especially in the coaching world it’s like, oh, I want to work like a 10 or 15 hour work week. And the number of hours ultimately doesn’t matter, but it’s almost shamed if you work more than a certain amount of hours. I don’t know what your experience is in our world, but I feel like everyone’s trying to work as little as possible.
And I don’t think that’s a problem, per se. But I also agree with you, I love the work that I do. I think I could be more like, it’s not even efficient, but like more focused because I definitely have, you know, I’m like, oh, let me just scroll and see what’s going on before I start the next thing, right? Then it’s like a distraction. So that’s kind of what I mean by working more efficiently.
Like I know I can get the work I do now in less time for sure, but I enjoy the work I do. And I’m not thinking I want to work less, except in the context of just getting rid of that distraction time, which definitely slows because then I’m like, literally sometimes I’m like, oh, I have to look something up on my phone. And then I get caught up in scrolling and I’m like, I picked my phone up what?
Hala: All of a sudden you’re shopping on TikTok. I know, that sometimes happens. I don’t even feel like I’m working. Like my financial planner had asked us what age we want to retire, and that was like the hardest question out of all the questions he asked me. It was like a whole intake questionnaire and the first question was, what age do you want to retire? And I could not answer that because I feel like I’m already retired.
Bonnie: I think that’s the wrong question. Yeah. I just had a call with one of my clients, and people use the word retirement and I’m like, well, what does that actually mean? Because I think that word, retirement, is from our parent’s generation where you work for a corporation for X amount of years, and then you retire at age 65. But I think our generation, really the generation that’s younger than us, what is it, Gen Z?
I don’t even know. I’m apparently in between X and millennials, whatever. It’s very like all or none thinking, if you think about it, right? And I think people think retirement is like the goal in terms of money. But I really think the goal, and I think you’re basically describing it, is to create a life that you love, right? Like, whatever that looks like, it’s going to look different for a lot of people.
I think a lot of people that I talk to, they love to travel. So they want to be like, I want to be able to travel, I don’t know, two or three months a year or whatever it is for them, and maintain the lifestyle. It’s usually some version of that. But I would say most of my clients aren’t trying to retire, if that makes sense. Because that’s so, like I can’t imagine just retiring and then what, like sit on the beach all day? Like, I don’t understand what that means, you know, retirement.
Hala: I mean, and that’s awesome, too. I think whatever people want to do, and I totally support that. For me, I just feel like I am retired. I tell people that all the time. Like, oh yeah, I’m retired, I just do this for fun. And they’re like, what? Especially even when I’m at the hospital. They’re like, Dr. Sabry, you’re crazy. Seriously, is that what you think?
And a lot of the patients are like, wow, did you just come back from vacation? You seem really happy. And I’m like, no, I’m just always like this. I’m always really happy. I mean, obviously, there’s times that I am not happy, but those are just normal human emotions. But honestly, I just feel like it’s such a privilege to be at work.
For those that have followed my story, I was off of work medically for a year and a half because I had some health challenges. And I’ll tell you, I went through a really deep depression. I mean, I think part of it was that part of my identity was taken at that time, but also I didn’t realize how much I loved being at the bedside. I love coaching as well, I love both of them. And I love my career, what I built of this amazing coaching practice. And I still work clinically and I love that.
But for me, I think the goal, like my money goals were really based on what I learned with my parents. My parents were first generation here and with each of their passing I learned a lot more about money as far as like from a legacy standpoint. And so for me, all my money goals have to do with that personal experience.
And so it was really neat to talk to my financial planner and he’s like, man, you already, like you have that unfortunate experience but I think that’s really helped form very strong decisions that you’re making now. For me, I mean, I felt like it was a successful call. My husband got off and he text messaged me after and he was like, how do you feel? And I was like, amazing.
I mean, we have a lot of work to do to get to the goals that I want, which I think are maybe an overdeliver for myself and my kids, but I’m okay with that. And my husband was like, yeah, I feel a mixture of that and a little bit like we’re a little bit behind. I’m like, no, we just have a goal to work towards. I’m excited.
Bonnie: What I’m hearing is, I think a lot with money is people don’t know where they’re going. Like they’ll say things to me like, oh, I want to work less, I want to have another income stream, right? But it’s like, well, let’s get specific. Kind of like you were saying, get specific money goals. And ultimately it’s math, and then it’s like, well, how do you want to get there, right?
So that’s kind of what I help them with when I do these introduction calls, is like, well, what’s the math? Because it’s a math problem, it’s solvable. Then you know what you have to do. It informs what decisions and what actions you need to take in terms of money.
Okay, so to wrap this up, we’ve talked about a lot of things, it’s all amazing. I think, my guess is people listening to this are like, okay, how do I figure out my values besides downloading your thing? Or do that and then what?.
Hala: I think the easiest way is just to download my download, because I think it was just made from reading 20 books. Like literally, it’s the most efficient way, I think, in my brain to do it. But if you are very averse to doing that, that’s okay.
I would say maybe just whatever form that you love to learn from, whether it’s podcasts or whether it’s like a book on Amazon, or whatever it may be. I would just start off with like, one, identifying what your values are. There’s a lot of different resources that you can use to help you identify what your values are.
Bonnie: Is there a book that you’d recommend?
Hala: Oh my gosh, I think the one that I – It was so dense though, you guys. Like it took me forever to get through it. But it was a Franklin Covey book about legacy. I’ll give it to you right after this podcast. But, I mean, there was a lot. I mean, I can go through my library, and it’s been a couple years. But there isn’t one, I think I just highlighted a whole bunch of things.
And then I start realizing, oh no, I know this, I know this system really well. But I would identify your values. I would really question like, why? Like why did I choose those, right? And then whatever answer you give yourself, ask yourself why.
So for example, love. Well why is that important to you? And then you’ll give an answer. And then take that answer and be like, well, why is that important to me? Why is that important to me, until you get to where you cannot answer anymore.
And just make sure that you love your answers that lead you there. So, one, pick your values. Make sure that you love your values and that you have a strong why for those values.
And then I would start looking around your life, and I would start to ask yourself about those six avenues that I talked about: money, career, health, your romantic relationships, your relationships with your friends, family, community and your spirituality. Whatever that means to you, whether it’s organized religion, or it’s just feeling spiritual, connected to the universe.
I would go through each one and just ask like, how does that show up in each one. And I’ll tell you like, there isn’t really a good source for that. I don’t know anybody, maybe there are other coaches that do this, I have no idea for me to recommend anybody besides myself. But you can even sit down with your coach and ask them if they feel comfortable with doing values work.
But that’s exactly what I would do. I would do more of an audit on what you are doing, what you’re not doing and kind of understand what your goals are with your values in each avenue of your life. And then just start to create your life to meet those goals. And I think that the goal really here is to be more authentically yourself.
And I think when you’re more authentically yourself, not only are you pleasing everybody else around you, but you’re pleasing yourself first. And that’s kind of like paying yourself first or doing anything else that I think is really important with investment.
Or as the famous Jill Cruise has said years ago that has affected so many of us coaches, the first artery branch that comes off of the heart is the coronary artery. And nobody calls the heart selfish, but the heart has to replenish itself with blood to be able to continue to pump the blood to the rest of the organs.
And so I think that that’s how values are. It’s like the heart of how we make decisions, and we’re making decisions every single day. So you are doing it, but you would do it with such a clearer lens if you knew exactly why you’re doing what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, which is a combination of identity and what we didn’t talk about is identity and values.
But yeah, so I hope that answers your question.
Bonnie: Yeah. Okay, how can people find you?
Hala: My website is drhalasabry.com and you can find me there. Or if you follow me on social media it’s Dr. Hala Sabry on Facebook, that’s where I mainly show up. I do apparently sometimes have a presence on Instagram, but Facebook is probably the best way to get a hold of me.
Bonnie: Yeah. And I’ll just spell your name just in case. So it’s H-A-L-A and then the last name is S-A-B-R-Y, right?
Hala: Yep, you got it.
Bonnie: I’m making sure I’m getting it right. Okay.
Hala: Spelling bee, you’re like, ding.
Bonnie: Yeah. Okay, so we’re going to link the values freebie that we talked about a few times and her handles, et cetera. So when you’re listening on your podcast app, just go to the description and you click on the show notes page, that’s where everything will be.
All right, well, thank you so much for being here.
Hala: Thank you.
Bonnie: I know I learned a lot. And like I said before, I need to find that sheet and or just redo the work because, like I said, I wouldn’t say I feel lost and confused, but I definitely know I could use more direction and help in terms of making my decisions. So I know it’ll be helpful. Thank you.
Hala: Yay, thanks.
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